Shawn
We sat in the car in silence for a while as I drove. I was trying to collect myself and calm down. As soon as we got to my crib I got her an ice pack. I didn't leave her side after that.
We went up to my room and I set up the bed for her.
"You want me to leave?" I asked softly. She vigorously shook her head, not breaking eye contact with whatever was in front of her.
I nodded. "Imma get you some food. What you want?"
She shook her head again.
I let out a sigh. She hadn't eaten this morning and I knew she needed something in her system. And though the silence was killing me, I would do whatever I had to to make her feel comfortable.
"Aight. Imma order me something though, okay?"
She nodded weakly.
I wanted to take her pain away so badly. She didn't deserve any of the bad shit that happened to her.
Ché
It wasn't really rape right? He was technically my boyfriend still, so it doesn't count.
I thought this a million times trying to convince myself that was the case.
But I didn't want it. I told him to stop. He knew I didn't want him. And he did it anyway.
Shawn, bless his heart. He was trying so hard with me, and I felt terrible. I felt like I was neglecting him. He did nothing wrong to me and I wouldn't even speak to him.
"Where you want me to sit?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. It didn't matter to me. I just wanted him around.
"Can I sit on the bed?"
I nodded again.
He got laid back down and got comfortable a couple feet away from me. We stayed silent for about five minutes.
"I feel like it's my fault." He blurted out.
"What?" I spat weakly.
"If I never booked him and invited y'all out here... none of this shit would have happened." He said.
My eyes started watering and I felt like a big burden.
"Oh fuck. I'm so sorry Ché, ian mean to make you cry." He said slightly panicking as he positioned his arms for a hug, then quickly drawing back.
I pulled his arms then wrapped them around me and hugged him back.
"It's not your fuckin fault. It's his fault Shawn." I sniffled. "I hate him. I hate him so much."
His embrace tightened and I felt safe. Secure. Untouchable.
Then my stomach started to turn.
I pushed him off of me and sprinted to the bathroom.
"Fuck." I barely got out before I started throwing up in the toilet.
Shawn came dashing in the room soon after me. He got down on the floor and rubbed my back.
The feeing went away but I stayed in my same position. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to face the world right now. Something Tez told me just before pulling my pants down earlier.
"I nutted in you a couple weeks ago, so you stuck with me whether you like it or not."
I thought he was provoking me in that moment, but this random nausea out of nowhere was too much of a coincidence.
I started crying again as Shawn stood me up and made me sit on the toilet.
He patted a warm damp towel over my mouth, wiping up the debris and a cooler towel over my forehead.
He handed me a cap full of mouthwash and placed a garbage bin in front of me.
"I thought you was scared of puke." I said trying to lighten the mood after rinsing my mouth out.
"I ain't scared of nothin." He joked back.
I sighed.
"He said he nutted in me a couple weeks ago." I said shakily. Shawn shot a look at me. He looked like his heart dropped. "I'm probably pregnant. And I'm not keeping it. I can't..."
Shawn
Disgusted. Envious. Vengeful. Empathetic.
"He was tryna trap you..." I whispered.
She nodded her head.
I threw my head up and placed my hands over my face. I was stressed for her. Almost like I could feel exactly what she was feeling inside.
I helped her back to the bed and placed the comforter over her before I hopped on top of it a little bit away from her.
"You think I should keep it?" She asked playing with her thumbs.
"I really have no say in that." I started. "I want you to do whatever you feel is best for yourself."
Honestly, I didn't want her to keep the child, simply for that fact that their biological father was an abusive rapist. I felt like her having that child would mean she would lose herself. The baby was a trap set by him, and he wanted her so badly to fall into it.
I'm not saying that she couldn't raise a child without him. No doubt she could. However, he would find a way to disturb her peace.
But maybe a child would be good for her.
Either way, I didn't share my thoughts with her. I didn't want my opinions to persuade her choice. I wanted her decision to be organic.
I got a notification that the food had arrived.
"The food is here. You wanna come with me or you cook here? I'm only gin take a minute."
"I'll stay." she said.
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