𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃

꧁ THIRTY TWO ꧂

  A loud, ear piercing scream surrounds the once quiet house. The crying baby girl squirms around in her ivory bassinet, her face reddening as the sobbing increases. The TV noise in the background is quickly being drowned out and soon, the only thing that can be heard is her.

Upstairs, in the guest bathroom, an emotional Nessa sits on the cold floor with her back against the shut door. Her hands are grabbing at her messy hair that she lazily tied back into a somewhat ponytail earlier this morning. The sound of the bawling baby downstairs causes the ever growing pain in her chest to intensify. Slowly, she inhales a breath of air before counting to eight and releasing. She whispers words of encouragement under her breath- an attempt to convince her that she's got the situation under control and that everything's going to be okay but the doubt continues to play in her mind on loop; mockingly.  And it suppresses those motivational thoughts.

The truth is, since being back at home with her new family, Nessa has failed to form any sort of bond or connection with her newborn. The little girl just doesn't have any desire to be held, bathed, fed, or loved by her struggling mother. Whenever Nessa makes any effort to be a mother to her daughter, the crying begins and waterworks stream from them both. The only person who knows how truly difficult it is however, is Nessa. When Josh is home and not attending classes at school or at football practice, he's here at home and is quite literally super dad. He takes charge and lets Nessa rest, let's her have her well deserved alone time and takes such good care of his baby. But when he's gone, Nessa tries her best to be half as good a parent that he is but the bond just isn't there. She blames herself of course. It's not Abigail fault that her mother is practically a stranger. She wasn't the first person to hold her and they didn't get that time together at the start.

In the midst of her thinking, Nessa hadn't heard the crying stop. The lack of bawling sends her into a state of panic and she races to her feet, throwing the door open and rushing down the hallway before taking the steps two at a time. Scenarios begin to rhyme off in her head about why her crying daughter has all of a sudden calmed down. Has she just cried herself to sleep? Did she throw up and choke? Is she okay? Is she still breathing?

The dark thoughts however are put to rest the second Nessa stumbles into the living room.

"Mom?".

From her seat on the couch, Nina tears her eyes away from a sleeping Abigail -who is cradled in her arms- to look up at her bewildered daughter. The sight makes the woman's heart drop. The Nessa that she raised who was always presented neatly and wore a look of confidence was now standing a mere few feet away from her, wearing a pair of unmatched pyjamas  and looking like she'd just woken up. It wasn't an easy sight for her to see.

  "Oh Ness" she sighs, standing up slowly and walking over to the bassinet. Nessa watches as her mom places Abigail back inside, pinching the babys cheek softly before wiping her hand on her back of her jeans.

     "Mom what are you doing here? How'd you even know where I live? And how the hell did you get inside?". The questions were coming out like word vomit at this point. Nina waved a hand to silence the rambling girl.

   "That doesn't matter right now Janesa. What the real question is, is why was your newborn daughter screaming her tiny little lungs out and you not being anywhere in sight? When you and your brother were babies, if either of you even stirred, I would be straight there beside you. What's going on?".

 
⏖⏖⏖⏖⏖⏖

Nessa told her mom everything about how hard it's been for her while they drank some chamomile tea in the kitchen. Nina had placed the baby monitor on the counter just incase Abigail woke back up. Although her relationship with her mother had since fallen apart, Nessa was grateful that she had shown up. It's been forever since she has had a proper conversation about how things really are- no sugar coating necessary. It reminded her of old times when she was still living at home and she realized that she misses her mom- all things considered.