I was looking at the stars. Sobrang lalim na talaga ng gabi.
While the others choose to hang out inside the resto bar, I went out and sat alone the terrace, hang my feet low from the thirtieth floor of this building. I see city lights glows like it's their time to shine. Indeed it's their time to shine.
Holding a can of soda and a small plate filled with fried chicken wings beside me, I watched the stars and moon ignite as the hallow night begins to wallow within the sun's darkness. It looks peaceful.
Nostalgia keeps me up.
Ganito rin 'yung araw na 'yun.
Ganito rin 'yung pakiramdam nu'n. I was down the stage looking up at the brightest star I could ever see. And that person symbolizes the moon. I could only see and admire from afar and will never get to touched it personally.
“Felip? What are you doing here?” My moon.
“Keeping up the crickets. I'm asking how's their day went.” I smiled knowing how weird that words are.
“Baliw.” If I could crack my knuckles now so I could help not to react much about that hearty laugh of my moon I did, but I didn't.
I couldn't smile.
I shifted my face on his direction. I tilted my head as he stare at me unknowingly.
I sighed and looked back at the moon.
In my peripheral vision I saw him walk towards me, when he reaches my place he looked down on the height of where I was sitting down to the ground.
“Ken ang taas taas dito, dito ka pa natambay!” My face remained calm as I looks at him trying to sat up. Relentless. Not showing any emotional blast.
His brows furrowed. Nagtataka siguro sa titig ko sakanya.
“Felip. It's Felip, I'm not Ken.” I said emotionless. My voice cold.
I left him speechless. I sighed softly again.
Binalik ko ang mata ko sakanya at masugid s'yang pinagmasdan. Napaka-pamilyar ng pakiramdam na ito. Ito 'yung pakiramdam na gusto kong sabihin sakanya lahat ng nararamdaman ko. This is the feeling that I felt that day on stage. I was at the other end, while he was on the front. I'm at the back of him admiring him totally.
Now it gives back the same feeling right now. Kaibahan lang ngayon, eto s'ya, kalapit ko. Malapit s'ya saakin. Abot ko s'ya ngayon. Kaya ko s'yang hawakan pwede ko s'yang hawakan.
Nagtatanong ang mga mata n'yang tumitig saakin pabalik saakin. Bago pa man ako malunod umiwas ako ng titig. Tinitigan ko nalang ang kawangis n'ya.
Ang buwan.
Sa pitong nalulunod sa barkong napupuno ng tubig na may yelo, mayroon lamang 0.001% na tsansang may makaligtas pero kakampi nila ang mga bituin, dahil binibigay na nito ang pagkakataon na makaligtas silang lahat.
So why won't I take the chance?
Fine Felip, free your words. Free your heart.
“Your name means small, but I gave it another which is My Moon.” They said it's just only the half of the moon our naked eye could see.
“My name meant generousity but I want it to be the night. I want my name ignited to my moon.” It's half meant the literal and it's idiomatic expression.
Am I only seeing the half of the personality of my moon? Can I be the astronaut that sees the other half of the moon? I wanted to see him fully. I want to witness it.
