"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now,"
The clock says 1:30 in the morning. I should be asleep by now but the dark keeps me awake.
I love the dark. I love being alone. I love te silence but then, when darkness subsides it just indicates of what is more darker and even more eviler than the night. Of what is more scarier than the broad daylight of theft.
It escalates monsters that eats every pit of sanity that have left for conscious minds to work. Reprimanded and no one can save.
I didn't know tonight would be my most breaking point.
I like being alone but I hate of feeling alone. The unknown feelings that had me thinking and the urge of crying makes my heart suffocated. I feel out of breath that any second now I will explode right here down at my knees.
Para akong sinasakal sa mga emosyong nagsisiksikan sa dibdib ko. Ang hirap idepina. Ang hirap pangalanan. Napakahirap pakawalan.
In the midst of everything I have inside, something on its one side is trying, trying to go out and is now craving, craving to go out and feel that warmth that I've been wanting to feel these days I have been alone in this unit.
Nasanay ako sa pakiramdam na katabi ang magulo pero tahimik na mundo kung saan umikot ako nang ilang araw, linggo at buwan na nga siguro. Sa tabi ng isang katahimikang alam kong gustong gusto ko. Katahimikang sa tabi lang ng mundong ito maayos at masarap sa pakiramdam.
I've been trying to hold myself from it. From the urge of knocking on his door and then barge in with these heavy loads inside my head that I know will lessen its weigh with his presence.
But as I try to hold it in, it keeps in weighing heavier.
He's juts a door away. One knock and I'd see his face again. One word I know he will let me with him even at least for tonight. Just for tonight, then tommorow I'd get out of his sight.
Is it worth trying?
Even before I can answer myself, I found my feet walking towards his door and now is ready to knock on it. A second before I could knock, I pulled away.
What if he's already asleep? It's passed one in the morning, perhaps a quarter after one.
But what would I have to lose? Nothing! If I knock right now, then he's already asleep then fine, if he's awake, then, okay too! Right?
I turned away, still battling with myself if I will go or not, but I was just about to step away and go back to my unit, his door opened.
"—Loko, inubos mo na nga yata laman ng closet ko! Hihirit ka pa?! Angas mo naman!" I heard his hearty laughter went out as of opening the door.
"Nakalimutan ko lang ibalik eh! Apat na pair lang naman—" And right then, my ear rang silent.
Nawala na sa pandinig ko ang lahat nang marinig ko kung kaninong boses iyon.
That's Stell's. What is he doing here at this hour? Right, me too? What am I doing here in this hour?
"Pau?" Paalis na ako pero hinawakan n'ya ako sa braso.
"Una na ako, Ken, Pau." In a snap Stell disappeared on our sight.
"Masyado nang malalim ang gabi Pau, bakit nasa labas ka pa? Papunta ka ba sa akin?" Sa'yo? Pwede ba?
