Mountains To Cross

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Time of death, 10:11 am."

Tita Ara cried so hard. It was so loud. It's not a sob. She's weeping while holding his hand. Kinikilabutan ako sa bawat pag-iyak ni Tita. Tain and Tanya sobbed too, the first time I ever saw them like this.

But Tito, he looks peaceful. He is at peace. Parang natutulog lang siya at gigising rin mamaya para magtanghalian. I think that's the hardest part of it all, to know that you have no choice but to let him go because clearly, this is also what he wants. And he deserves to rest after everything.

Dahan-dahan akong lumakad palabas ng kwarto upang iwan ang pamilya doon. When I went out, sila Mommy naman ang bumungad sa akin. They are all crying quietly. Tito Ivo was trying to hold himself to stand up, suot pa ang puting coat na sumisimbolo sa pagiging doktor niya.

Tito Joaquin is a little far from them, his eyes are closed as he let his tears fall from his face. Tito Elian is silent while sitting down. Hindi ko nakikita ang mukha niya kaya hindi ko alam kung umiiyak ba siya, ngunit sigurado ako na labis-labis rin ang sakit na nararamdaman niya ngayon. Sa kabilang banda, nakayuko si Tito Santi at nakatakip ang mga kamay sa mukha. His shoulders are shaking, a hint that he's crying. Tito River is being comforted by Savannah, who is also crying.

Daddy is trying his best to comfort Mom pero alam ko kung gaano ito kahirap sa kanya.

Ang unang nawala sa kanila ay si Tito Havriel. It's already hard enough to let go of youth, be an adult, build your own family and accept that we will all grow old one day. Paano pa kaya na makita mo ang kaibigan mo na wala nang buhay? Na sa mga susunod na okasyon, hindi na sila kompleto... God, it must be so hard...

Isang oras pa bago inilabas si Tito sa kwarto niya. Si Daddy ang tumulong sa pagaasikaso sa burol.

"Riley..." Tita Ara called, "He wants to be cremated... three days of wake with the ash before the burial... please, please do that for him..."

Tumango si Daddy kay Tita.

Nasunod ang lahat ng nakasulat sa last will ni Tito. He is immediately cremated. Pinili rin ang mga bulaklak na pinili niya. Isa lang yata ang hindi matutupad ng mga tao dito— ang hiling niya na huwag masyadong malungkot sa matagal na panahon. I think that will be impossible.

Sa unang araw ng lamay ay dumating ang mga kasamahan ni Tito sa law firm na ngayon ay si Tita Ara na ang magpapatakbo. They gave a lot of flowers. And I hope that it comforted Tita Ara somehow dahil hindi ko manlang siya nakitang kumain o nagpahinga buong araw.

"Tain..." Tawag ko nang sa wakas ay umupo na siya sa tabi ko. Ala una na ng umaga at wala na masyadong tao kaya wala na masyadong inaasikaso. Tain gave me a small smile. Tumabi siya sa akin at dumantay sa balikat ko.

We both looked at the urn in front of us. The flowers around it is arranged beautifully. May mga ilaw rin na nakatapat doon na mas nagpapaganda sa mga bulaklak. It's painfully beautiful. How can death be beautiful and painful at the same time? How can it be peace and chaos in one? Paano ka magpapalaya sa kamatayan?

"We'll be celebrating a month of being husband and wife in a week..." He said, "What do you want to do?"

Umiling ako, "I want you to rest and take it easy,"

He intertwined our fingers, "I think it's much better for me to go to an adventure than rest and think. I think I will be much better if we go far from here..."

Hindi ako sang-ayon sa sinabi niya. If we go, it will be a temporary solution to his pain. Sa tuwing babalik kami, masasaktan at masasaktan lang rin siya. I want him to face it. I know that it will be hard and messy but that's what healing is. It will be unstable, comforting, painful, linear... healing is unpredictable.