The Unwanted Marriage (UNDER EDITING)

54: The Voicemail

ARTHUR'S P.O.V

2 weeks.

It has been 2 weeks since we lost our baby. I thought we would get better, I thought she would get better. But we didn't. We were far from getting better, she was far from getting better. In fact, we are not getting better at all.

My loss has taken a toll on me. I thought I would start to get over it after a few days, but it's hard when I hardly get the support from the only person I wish to receive the support from. It's hard when your wife kept pushing you away, when I was just as devastated as her to lose our baby.

I kept trying, I had tried everything to get her to talk to me, but I'm getting tired with everything. I'm tired for being strong for us, I'm tired to try. I want my wife to hold me and heal with me together. But it's hard when she doesn't even want to try.

It has been 2 weeks since I last heard her voice. It has been 2 weeks since she last talked. I don't know what to do anymore, none of my efforts have succeed making my wife start talking again. And I'm tired of trying.

So I stopped trying. I stopped trying to get my wife to talk to me. I stopped trying to make things better. I stopped trying to heal.

After taking my days off from work for 2 weeks, today I decided to leave for work. It's no use to grieve and isolate myself in the house. My colleagues need me too, and I can't turn my back from my responsibility at work.

I watched my wife when I got dressed for work. I knew she was awake but kept her eyes closed, whether she refused to look at me or she just didn't want to wake up. It has been 2 weeks but I made no progress in making her to talk to me. The most I received was a small nod.

It hurt when she pushed me away. It hurt when she didn't think about how I feel about our loss, and with her turning her back on me. It hurt that I so badly wanted to heal with her but she didn't consider to heal with me but did to her ownself, in her way.

It hurt that I might completely lose my wife.

THEA'S P.O.V

Pain. Guilty. Ashamed.

They all came rushing into me at once and I couldn't even get the chance to stand on my guard.

Pain, from losing my baby when I was so close to meet him. Pain from having a stillbirth, thinking it was not possible for me to experience it. Pain that I, once again, lost someone I love.

Guilty, for being the main reason why I lost our baby. Guilty that I was not taking care of myself as much as I should have. Guilty that my body was not strong enough to keep our baby grow inside my womb. Guilty that I took away my baby's chance to live, but I also took away Arthur's half of life. Guilty that I was the caused of the loss of his supposed-to-be son in 3 months. I have seen how excited and happy he was waiting for me to deliver his son, but I took him away from him. I took his chance to meet his son, because I was too selfless of myself. Guilty that I, once again, pushed him away when I knew how much he needed my support too.

Ashamed, for acting the way I do now. Ashamed of myself for my coping mechanism over the loss of our baby. Ashamed that I was being a childish, pushing my husband away when all he did was trying to console me and make me feel better. Ashamed that I gave him nothing but a cold shoulder when he is as devastated as I am. Ashamed that I didn't think of his feelings and only care about mine.

I was in denial the first few days after I lost our baby. It was the hardest day of my life, the pain was unbearable, just like when I lost both my parents and my twin sister. I stopped talking, I stopped doing anything, just curling up in bed and thinking what did I do to deserve this. What went wrong with my life. At that moment I felt like I didn't deserve to feel the happiness in my life. I didn't deserve to have the people I love, whether it is my fault or just because life doesn't think I deserve it.