Hide and Seek | JunHao

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October 12, 2015

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Seungkwan shut the alarm off. He was actually awake and was just lying down on his bed with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes, greeted by the dark ceiling above him. He got up and did what he needed to do to prepare for school.

Back then, he would have a whole routine—starting the morning with a cup of coffee with loads of milk, blasting his favorite tunes while showering, brushing his hair and use the comb as a microphone, casually hitting all the high notes, picking out his favorite clothes and his lucky navy blue cap, and finally, heading to school right after he gets a grandé Americano from Starbucks. Not to forget, Hansol would always be right in front of the door to his house, ready to go to school with his one and only diva. It was a routine filled with energy, sass, and a whole lot of coffee.

But the thing is, he hasn't been doing any of those since his best friend passed away. A lot happened and a lot changed. After Minghao died, Junhui lost his memories, and the twelve friends who were left behind, were now getting farther apart from each other. The guilt, misery, and grief were welling up inside of him.

He knew that he had to move on from it, but he just couldn't. Each time he smiled, he remembered that day—August 14, 2015. In that day, he remembered thinking:

'Why is Minghao being such a killjoy when it's just a game anyways?'

'What's wrong with a single game of hide and seek? Quit whining.'

'Your arm's almost healed up and it's not like you're gonna do a handstand.'

The amount of regrets he had was overwhelming. To think that these were the thoughts he had in the last moment he saw the boy. He thought he had failed in being Minghao's best friend. He wanted to apologize, but how could he when Minghao is already long gone? He wanted to do something, anything; but just what on this goddamn earth could he do for the boy?

He opens the door, seeing the Korean-American boy standing outside.

"Hi, Kwan." Hansol waves his hand, studying his boyfriend's face. "You couldn't get some sleep again?"

Seungkwan hums in response, trying to lock the door to the house before he had left for school.

The two walk beside each other, heading off to school.

Hansol held Seungkwan's hand in his. Seeing as how his boyfriend wasn't saying anything more, he decides to drop the topic. He knew that these past few weeks, Seungkwan wasn't exactly doing well, he knew what it was about, but Seungkwan refused to say anything other than 'it's nothing'. He thought that letting his boyfriend open up when he needed to would be for the best.

"Kwannie, did you eat breakfast?" Hansol asks, trying to brighten up the mood with a grin.

Seungkwan hums in response, indicating that he says yes. Although, in reality, he didn't eat breakfast nor have any prior meals, food, or drinks. He hasn't been getting any of the coffee he loved either.

It was a fairly quiet walk with Hansol running out of ways to try to cheer him up, but soon enough, they got to school.

"Should I walk you to your classroom?" Hansol asks.

"No, it's fine." Seungkwan replies, letting go of Hansol's hand.

He walks away to get to his classroom.

There was a group of loud and rowdy people walking from the opposite side of the hallway. His eyes land on them. It was a familiar sight or rather—he knew them too well.

It was Junhui, Seungcheol, Jisoo, and Jeonghan, walking to their classroom together, laughing as they tease each other.

He accidentally makes eye contact with Jisoo, as the four boys walk down the hall. Jisoo sends the boy a smile, nothing more. He lowers his head, trying to avoid any other gazes that might meet his, as he gets to his classroom quietly.

He sits down on his seat as soon as he enters his classroom, greeted by Mingyu. His seat was beside an empty seat that used to be where Minghao sat. The boy's seat was right in the middle between Mingyu and Seungkwan's seats.

He wipes the desk of the empty seat with a wet wipe from his bag. He wasn't sure why either, but he wanted to keep Minghao's seat clean. He never allowed anyone to sit there nor did he place any items on the desk.

Mingyu rests his head down on his desk, using his arm as a pillow, facing Minghao's seat. It's been a few weeks since Minghao's death, but he still misses him very much. He didn't know why his best friend died like that. He never expected for him to pass away so soon. All he knew was that he will never be able to forgive the one that killed him and did all those horrible things to him.

Their homeroom teacher, Sir Park, enters the classroom, just barely making it in time before the bell rang.

A student raises their hand. "Sir Park, classes already started last week, but why did you only get to school now?"

A student stood up. "Sir, why weren't you at school last week?"

Sir Park looked at the student for a few seconds before answering, clearing his throat. "I was just busy with a few things." He takes a book from his table, flipping the pages. "Ah, that reminds me. I have an important announcement to make." He looks up, gathering the students' attentions. "You will all have a new homeroom teacher for the next quarter."

The class was filled with murmurs.

"May we ask why, sir?" Another student asks.

"I will be going abroad." Sir Park says firmly. "I will be migrating to America."

"When will you be leaving, sir?" A different student asks.

"Around mid-November." Sir Park focuses back to the book he was holding, gripping the whiteboard marker in his hands. "If that's all, let's start the class."

The class starts.

And another day begins.

Another day without Minghao.

And another day to live.

To live with the guilt,

The grief,

The anguish,

The regret,

And the sorrow.

END