goodnight // lashton

epilogue.

Luke's POV

I looked at the casket in front of me, which contained the boy I loved most in the world. He was dead, but he still managed to not be the most lifeless person in the room. That, I think, would be me. I hadn't eaten since I had found out, which was about three days ago. I didn't shower until this morning when my mum forced me to. I didn't go to school. I left bed to get water and use the bathroom. 

I sat in the front row next to my mum and Laurie, who was on the other side of my mum, with Stephen beside her. Quite a bit of kids from school were here. None of them should be.  They were just going to cry and say they knew him so well and say they miss him so much and talk about how much they love him. There's only one other person that I've seen talk to him this year, which was Charlotte. And, as soon as she walked in, I asked her to sit by me. I was kind of shocked when she said yes. Maybe she got a letter, too. I looked around some more. Michael and Calum were both here. Everyone else was a family member or a classmate, though I didn't recognize this one guy with orange hair and tattoos who was sat in the back.

I was given mine after my mum told me the news. I was already a sobbing mess, and the letter certainly did not make it better. I almost followed him in suit. I went downstairs at two in the morning, grabbed a knife, and almost ended it. My brother was awake, though, which I didn't know. He stopped me, then held me while I cried, then made me sleep in his bed with him. Both of my brothers came home from college for awhile when my mum called them and asked me to. She knew I would need them, since she found out that Ashton and I were more than friends for awhile. They were sat behind me, talking to each other quietly.

"Hey, I just wanna let you know that I'm always here, okay?" Charlotte said from beside me. She looked quite pretty, though I wasn't interested in her. Her purple hair was braided loosely on her shoulder, a crown of flowers placed on her head. She had on a over-sized black sweater, black tights, and black combat boots. She looked a lot better than me. I just put on a black button-up and black skinny jeans with converse. Seemed funeral appropriate. And, considering how I looked the past few days, was quite nice. I don't know how it got past my mum, though. Probably with the help of pity.

"Why? I thought you hated me. You should, anyway. This is all my fault." I said, looking ahead at Ashton's casket. She put her hand on my shoulder, her thick black bracelets hitting each other as she did so. I looked over at her. 

"This is not your fault. And I did hate you. But I wanted to die after hearing the news, so I couldn't imagine how hard it was for you. I didn't try to die after hearing the news, though, which I imagine you did." She said. I brought my gaze back over to the casket. She was right. I did. After getting silence as a reply, she laced the fingers of one of her hands around mine. I was okay with it, though. It gave me a sense of assurance. A guy walked up to the front, causing everyone to be quiet. He started talking about Ashton. 

"It's a shame that, after only fourteen years of life, someone feels the need to end their own life. It really is. Especially a kid like Ashton." The guy said. Then he kept going on about it, saying some of the moments Laurie and Stephen wrote down, some of the enjoyable ones earning laughs. I was in some of them, since I had been friends with him since Laurie and Stephen had got him. 

"Now, I'm giving a certain four people a chance to speak here today. Ashton left a total of four letters. I think he'd really appreciate it, wherever he is, if you four would come up here and say some words. As many as you like. There's no limit to the words you have to say to share love to the dead. You four know who you are. Please come take a seat up here." The guy said, gesturing to the four seats placed by the casket. Laurie and Stephen looked at each other before walking up and taking the two seats closest to the speaker, furthest from Ashton. Charlotte went after them, taking a seat by Laurie, who put a hand on her thigh. One seat left, the one closest to Ashton. It was quiet for a couple seconds before I stood up, all eyes on me, and walked to the seat.