goodnight // lashton

labanakt.

Ashton's POV

"Are you sure you'll be okay if we leave you alone?" Charlotte asked. I nodded. Her and Ryan had brought me home because I was too embarrassed to stay.

"Okay. Well, we're going to get going then." She said. I nodded again. I had been quiet this whole time they were here. I hugged them both goodbye. As soon as they closed the door, I ran upstairs. It was only four, so I had a couple hours before anyone got home from work.

I was sad and mad. Those weren't good combinations at all. I threw myself on my bed, laying my face down in a pillow. I didn't even try to contain my tears. I know I'm not strong enough to keep them in. I just laid there, crying into my pillow. 

My cries made their way to an end. I got up, wiping my face on my sleeves. I walked over to my radio, plugging my iPhone in, pressing shuffle. Then I got a box from under my mattress.

The box that contained my razors.

I grabbed one from the box and held it to my wrist. I didn't want to go too deep, but I didn't want to go too shallow, either. I listened as Skinny Love by Birdy blasted through my speakers. Nobody was home, so I had them on full blast.

I pushed the razor down against my exposed wrist. The five cuts from last night were there, deep and red. I looked at them and got angry with myself. I got angry because I couldn't stay strong. I got angry because I couldn't be good enough. I got angry because I just fucked up.

I put the razor at the top of my wrist and pushed down. I pushed down as hard as I could. And I slid it down. I slid it down all the way to where my elbow bent. It hurt, but I needed it.

I dropped the razor, processing what I had just done. Blood flowed out of the cut quickly. I quickly ran to the bathroom, trying not to let blood drip anywhere. As soon as I made it to the bathroom, I put my arm under the faucet, turning it on. I winced when the cool water made contact with my skin.

The water couldn't keep up with the amount of blood that was coming out of the cut. I was scared. I thought I was going to die. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I dialed Laurie's number and pressed call. I waited as it rang.

She didn't answer.

"Fuck." I whispered. She was probably working, and I shouldn't disturb her. I don't think I have a choice, though. I found her work's number and called it. 

"Hello?" A girl answered. 

"Um, hi. It's Laurie's son, Ashton." I said nervously. 

"Oh, hey, Ashton! It's Mia, your mum's assistant." The girl, Mia, said. I had met her before. She was nice and had a good music taste.

"Do you know if Laurie is busy?" I asked.

"Yeah, she is. May I leave a message?" She asked. 

"Can you, uh, go get her? It's kinda...it's kinda an emergency." I said.

"Is everything okay, Ashton?" Mia asked, sounding worried. I didn't want to worry her. She was only 23, that's too young to be worried. But I couldn't lie.

"No." I said, holding back a sob.

"What happened?" She asked. I could hear her stand up. She was probably going to find Laurie.

"Please, just go get Laurie. I don't want to die." I said. But that was a lie. I did want to die. Just not right now.

"I'm looking for her. It'll be okay." She said. She kept saying that until she found her. By then, I was sitting on the floor because I felt too weak to stand. I held a towel to my wrist.

"Ashton? Sweetie, are you okay?" I heard Laurie say. I shook my head, but then realized she can't see me.

"No. I'm not okay. I don't wanna die. Please help me." I said, not holding back my sobs.

"Call the ambulance and send them to my house." I heard Laurie instruct someone. But it was muffled, as if she was covering up the phone.

"Stay on the phone, sweetheart. I'm on my way." She said. I could hear her shoes hitting the floor. She was running. 

"Please hurry." I said.

"Ashy, stay on the phone. Stay with me, love." She said.

"Please..."

Then my phone died. Just my luck.

I tried to sit up more, but it wasn't worth it. I was going to die here. I was going to bleed out and then die. Painfully. I was going to die painfully. And from my own hands. I was going to die painfully from my own hands. 

I could hear sirens in the distance, gradually getting louder.

I heard knocking at the door. I couldn't go get it. I heard the door break open. 

"Is anyone in here?" I heard a man yell. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at him and tell him I'm in here so he could save me. But I also wanted to be quiet so they could let me die. So I could leave this miserable place.

"Check the house." The same man shouted. I heard various footsteps. Eventually, someone came into the bathroom. 

But I had already lost consciousness by then.

~