the 1 | chaennie

35. Red

There's an old poem by Neruda that I've always been captivated by, and one of the lines in it has stuck with me ever since the first time I read it. It says "love is so short, forgetting is so long." It's a line I've related to in my saddest moments, when I needed to know someone else had felt that exact same way. And when we're trying to move on the moments we always go back to aren't the mundane ones. They are the moments you saw sparks that weren't really there, felt stars aligning without having any proof, saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning. These are moments of newfound hope, extreme joy, intense passion, wishful thinking, and in some cases, the unthinkable letdown. And in my mind, every one of these memories looks the same to me. I see all of these moments in bright, burning red.

My experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. The red relationships. The ones that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. And it was awful. And ridiculous. And desperate. And thrilling. And when the dust settled, it was something I'd never take back. Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there's something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that's never coming. And there's something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn't fade or spontaneously combust. Maybe I'll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it. but this album is about the other kinds of love that I've recently fallen in and out of. Love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic. But most of all, this record is about love that was red.

-

"I had to buy that house in the end," Rosie said with a snort, face etched with laughter as she pressed her lips together, trying to hold back a smile. "I got back home and I just felt relieved because I knew I was going to end the charade. It was like a weight off my shoulders, even though it was the one thing that was giving me and Jennie a chance at a normal relationship. I just- I didn't feel good at that point."

"And your team just ... let you end it?"

With a sardonic smile, Rosie brushed her hair out of her face and crossed her legs, sitting back in her chair, sinking into the soft leather as she deflated slightly. A disgruntled expression ran across her face for a brief moment, before she clutched the arms of her chair and gave Nayeon a bright smile, verging on being too false.

"Well they weren't happy about it," Rosie said with a short laugh, "hence the bloody house. Loren and I both knew that we had short-term plans for it though, and our teams knew it too. We just- we pretended we were still together for the rest of July. My team put an offer in on the house that week, we broke things off, and no one knew a thing because why on earth would I buy a house opposite my boyfriend's grandparents unless we were still together? They hadn't painted me that crazy. Yet."

"So you and Jennie ..."

"Were careful," Rosie said, "but we didn't have to be careful for long anyway; she was off to France soon, by that point, for her new film. Of course, everyone was trying to push a new man onto me, and I knew it would be inevitable, but they couldn't rightfully force me into another PR stunt so soon after a breakup without it reflecting badly on me. Even Chanyeol recognised the fact that me being branded a slut wasn't a good thing for my image. So I was given a little bit of breathing room. And then I released my album."

-

"Tell me you're not serious," Chanyeol said, his voice hard and impatient, running a hand over the faint shadow of stubble that was covering his jaw that late in the afternoon.

Spinning her chair back and forth with an insolent look on her face, Rosie raised an eyebrow, "well obviously I am."

"This isn't a fucking joke, Rosie," he snapped.