the 1 | chaennie

65. Daylight

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in Everyone looked worse in the light
There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven
I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night
And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

-

It was a tired smile, yet laced with satisfaction at the day coming to an end. There was a sense of finality in the moment, the end of her story up to that point, all of it out there, caught on camera to be put out into the world. There was very little she had left to say now and as the day drew towards night with each passing moment, Rosie felt leaden in her seat.

"And here we are," Nayeon echoed with wry amusement. "How does it feel?"

"It feels ... like a weight off me," Rosie confessed.

She let out a light laugh, disbelieving and delighted, pressing a hand to her chest as she breathed in a deep breath, finding the constricting feeling of guilt and secrecy gone.

"It's been a long time coming and I have to admit ... it feels good," Rosie said as a slow grin spread across her face. "I can hardly believe it's real, and I think it'll take some getting used to, to not have to hide so much of myself, but I just- I can't describe how it feels to know that this is the last time I'll ever have to hide away myself. Hide away Jennie. To me, she is everything that exists and I'm done denying that and it feels ... belated but right."

"And here we are," Rosie said, spreading her hands as she smiled.

"You're going to walk out of here with a wife in front of the whole world," Nayeon quietly mused, an uncharacteristically soft look of happiness for her on her face. "This is the end of it all. The end of your story."

Scoffing good-naturedly, Rosie waved a hand and smiled as she rolled her eyes. "This isn't the end ... it's a continuation, maybe, a new beginning. When I walk out of here, I have the rest of my life to enjoy, to be happy. You know, they say your thirties are your best years; I think maybe they're right, but I wouldn't be who I am without my twenties."

"So ... what happens next?"

"Next?" Rosie smiled faintly, a spark in her eyes as they creased at the corners. "Next, I guess it's time to plan that big wedding we always said we'd have. And my new album, Lover, is out on August twenty-third. I'm really excited about this one; it's the first time I've never had to change pronouns, never had to change little details like eye colour and city names."

"Lover?" Nayeon repeated, "that's the new album name?"

"Mhm."

"That sounds very optimistic of you."

With a wry smile, Rosie shrugged. "Just because the album is called Lover doesn't mean there aren't some deeply tragic moments, because love is never one thing."

Her smile softened and she tilted her head to the side as her brows pinched with a thoughtful look. "But ... there are so many ways in which this album feels like a new beginning. It's a love letter to love, in all of its maddening, passionate, exciting, enchanting, horrific, tragic, wonderful glory. It's a love letter to Jennie and I've never felt so excited to share my work with my fans."

"You have a record of selling over a million albums in its first week for four consecutive albums, including your last one, Reputation. Do you feel that pressure to achieve it again with Lover, with a fifth one?"