the 1 | chaennie

41. You Are In Love

Morning, his place
Burnt toast, Sunday
You keep his shirt
He keeps his word
And for once you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
One step, not much, but it said enough
You kissed on sidewalks

You fight and you talk
One night he wakes, strange look on his face Pauses, then says, you're my best friend
And you knew what it was, he is in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you
You can feel it on the way home, way home, you You can see it with the lights out, lights out
You are in love, true love

So it goes
You two are dancing in a snow globe, go round and round
And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown
You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars
And why I've spent my whole life try to put it into words

-

"I went back on tour with the surety that things were taken care of. The story came out that Jennie was dating Kwon Jiyong, and it was just enough coverage to keep people off our backs without it being too on the nose. I was kept busy - radio interviews, talk shows, talent show performances and charity events. I didn't see her again until June."

"Intentionally?"

With a scoff of laughter, Rosie arched an eyebrow. "Definitely. But ... but Jennie and I agreed that it would be for the best as well. We were both dealing with a lot. I hate to admit it, but I was ... jealous. Just the thought of her and Jiyong together was enough to make me feel ... I don't know. I don't know what I felt. I trusted her - it wasn't that - I think perhaps it was just envy. I wanted to be able to hold her hand like he could, and she would feel that when it was me with a new man. Distance kind of gave us the space to detach ourselves from the celebrity parts of our lives."

"That seems ... impossible. Especially for you. Jennie's career has been ... vast. She's won prestigious awards and been on Broadway and everyone knows her. But you ... there's something about musicians that brings on a rabid fanbase, as well as the A-list status. And you've been at the pinnacle of that for a while now. Could you ever really detach yourself from that? Escape it? Hide from it?"

With a rueful smile, Rosie brushed her hair back and let out a heavy sigh. There was a bitterness to the twist of her mouth as her eyes flashed with wicked amusement.

"That's the thing, it is possible. Celebrities aren't ... we're not- okay, so people know where my houses are. They know where yours is, and even where minor celebrities live, and paparazzi will hang around the latest big thing, snapping photos of them, and they know the hottest hangouts. But that's the thing; aside from all of that, it's not too hard to disappear, even being a celebrity. If you don't tag your location, don't publicise your life or go to the spots everyone's talking about then you can disappear. You can go off the grid. I could do that. We were just- we went off the grid with each other."

"You weren't really on the grid together though, were you? Sure, there was a single article that a few people saw - I can't even remember it and as a talk-show host I'm supposed to be up to date on every scrap of gossip - but it seemed like your team was ... a little extreme."

Gingerly baring her teeth, Rosie tipped her head to one side and then straightened up.

"I mean, it was, and it wasn't. Self-preservation is a big thing for any celebrity, and I understand that they were doing what was best. For both Jennie and myself. It didn't always feel like it, but I suppose it's similar to parenting in that way ... with me being the child. I resent the constraints, in hindsight, but fear does strange things to you. Makes you agree to do everything in your power to keep dark secrets, even when the only thing you want is the exact opposite."