the 1 | chaennie

54. I Did Something Bad

I never trust a narcissist
But they love me
So I play 'em like a violin
And I make it look oh so easy
'Cause for every lie I tell them
They tell me three
This is how the world works
Now all he thinks about is me

I can feel the flames on my skin
Crimson red paint on my lips
If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing
I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he had it coming

They say I did something bad
Then why's it feel so good?
They say I did something bad
But why's it feel so good?
Most fun I ever had

And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could
It just felt so good, good

-

"Honestly, I think everyone knew it was for show. I've always been somewhat private with my relationships, the PR ones even, because I never wanted people to dig too deep. They were all flimsy covers that we all tried our best to give some validation too, but this time, it was so public. And not because I was trying to push a new romance, but merely because it was with my friend. One of my dearest friends that I was at liberty to spend as much time as I wanted to with, purely to help my career along. So, of course, like any two people with a summer on their hands and nowhere else to be but a few concerts - for Jungkook, at least - we went on holiday."

"That was highly publicised; how was that for you?"

With a slight downturn to the corners of her mouth, Rosie gestured off-handedly, "it was relatively normal as far as my life goes. It was definitely easier too. Obviously these were paparazzi hired through the usual company my team used to get out any photos for stories we wanted to be known. It is uncomfortable though, and I'm sure you can agree with that. Even when they're at a distance, you're still hyper-aware of them."

"Mm, absolutely."

"But, I mean, it was Jungkook. It was grand. His husband, William, was with us too. I went to all of Jungkook's shows, we went to the Vatican, we went to the beach and ate at Mediterranean restaurants and I think, for the first time, I got to be a tourist without any other responsibilities. Usually, I'd have to cram it into the couple of days I was there, and I think I've only played in Italy a few times at the beginning of my career, and then it sort of became a commercial thing in the US and a few of the bigger European countries. So it was nice. It was nice to walk about Barcelona and Paris and get a tan and then have dinner with friends. All we had to do was hold hands, or he'd wrap his arms around me or kiss my hand. And Jungkook's a very affectionate person anyway; every time we see each other it's a kiss and a hug, so it was just natural. Effortless. I think things would've been perfect if they didn't get so fucked up so quickly over a blatant lie."

With a quiet bark of laughter, Nayeon gave her a wry smile, "so ... Jeong Jaehyun."

Rolling her eyes as she huffed and leant back in her seat, petulant and grumbling as she looked at Nayeon with a dark expression on her face. "I didn't realise he'd be so sour about it. You'd think I'd genuinely hurt his feelings by breaking off a PR stunt with him, and who knows, perhaps I did, but only on a superficial level. Maybe his ego couldn't handle it; I don't know. Maybe it was seeing me with another man so soon that made him so bitter. But to lie about it ..."

A wary look on her face, Nayeon gave her a wan smile and reached across the gap to cover the back of Rosie's hand which curled over the arm of the chair. "Do you mind if I ask ... was it a lie? I know you said it was, publicly, and he leaked snippets of the footage that made you out to be lying, but ... in all honesty, just to finally get to the bottom of it, because you've never spoken about it in an interview or anything ... was it a lie?"