the 1 | chaennie

57. Cornelia Street

Windows flung right open, autumn air
Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours
We bless the rains on Cornelia Street
Memorize the creaks in the floor
Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street
Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand
I turned around before I hit the tunnel
Sat on the roof, you and I

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

-

"I thought that I could be happy if I just ... tried," Rosie admitted, a perplexed look on her face. "I'd been falling apart for so long that I told myself that if I just got myself together, got over this bump in my career, I'd be happy one day. I'd make it through the rest of that God awful summer, then to the end of the year, and maybe the year after I'd release my final album with PCY Records, and then I'd tour and after that ... after all of that, if I could just do all of that, perhaps I'd be happy after that. And it was that night that I realised that I wouldn't be, without her, and I had to accept that. I accepted it, and that was the second hardest decision I've ever made in my life."

"What made this decision any harder than all the other times you'd given up?"

Rosie's reply was quick, almost breathless in her desperate need to get it out of her, finally off her chest, her brown eyes shining brightly as she looked at Nayeon with brimming intensity. The lines of her body were rigid as she sat up straight in her chair, hands gripping the leather arms to ground herself. "Because I hadn't given up. Not entirely, and that made all the difference."

"So, that was you giving up entirely?"

"Mm, I left her apartment that morning thinking it was the last time I'd see her like that. As a friend, as a lover. I didn't doubt we'd cross paths again - it's actually quite a small industry when you view it from the inside - but I thought it would be as strangers, and it hurt me more than I thought I could stand to settle for that. But after a night of clinging to her, unwilling to give up the shreds of her I had left, no matter how pitiful those crumbs were, it was a moment of clarity to realise that I had to get a move on with my life. If I had it my way, I would've lingered in that pathetic place, dragging my feet as I put off the inevitable, for the rest of my life. But what kind of life is that? It trapped us both."

"Would you say you did it out of a selfless desire?"

With a strained smile, Rosie tipped her head to the side, thinking for a moment, "not entirely selfless, although I can't say it was selfish of me either. If I'd been selfish I would never have let her go. But I made that decision for both of us, and perhaps that was a little bit selfish, to cut her off so coldly, without any explanation."

"How did Jennie take it?"

-

Rosie was antsy the whole day, resenting the rental house as she paced the creaky floorboards, the aching hollowness in her chest as she thought about all their memories in that place. The thought of never waking up beside Jennie in that bed they'd shared so many times before was painful, the thought of coming home to it, dark and empty, with no one to call over, left a bitter taste in her mouth. And yet, Rosie was resolved.