The Deep Oneshots Part 1

Incorrect quotes

Had a long day, still wanna upload something so I got some incorrect quotes for the best friends au.

Alpheus, at Fontaine's funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone: Of course. *They leave*
Alpheus, leaning over Fontaine′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little sh*t. I know you're not dead.
Fontaine: Yeah, no sh*t.

Fontaine: You need to be more careful!
Alpheus, who was dragged into Fontaine's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

Maddy: I have locked Ant in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard.
Fontaine: Could you put it another way? I didn't understand a word of that.
Maddy: I'm blackmailing them.
Fontaine: Oh, happy days.

Alpheus: Alright, listen up you little sh*ts.
Alpheus: Not you Maddy. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

Alpheus: Fontaine , can I ask you a question?
Fontaine : Sure, anything.
Alpheus: Why don't you go back to your own house and leave me alone?

Fontaine: Finn kissed me!
Alpheus: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Fontaine : It was unbelievable!
Alpheus: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Jess: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Alpheus, get the wine and unplug the phone. Fontaine, does this end well or do we need tissues?
Fontaine : Oh, it ended very well.
Alpheus: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Jess : Okay, alright, let's hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
Fontaine : Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Alpheus : Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?
Fontaine: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Jess and Alpheus: Ohhh.
*meanwhile*
Finn eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.
Madiline: Tongue?
Finn: Yeah.
Alana: Cool.

Madiline: Who the f*ck added me to a fucking group chat?
Finn: >:O language
Fontaine : Yeah watch your f*cking language
Finn: Okay, who taught Fontaine the f*ck word?!
Jess: 'The f*ck word'.
Alpheus: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Fontaine : Oh my god they censored it
Jess: Say f*ck, Alpheus.
Fontaine : Do it, Alpheus. Say f*ck.

Fontaine: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Alpheus: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
Finn: F*ck you

Finn : I can't imagine what Maddy and Alpheus are planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Maddy: Alpheus is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.
Finn: Yes.
Fontaine : You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.
Alpheus: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-
Finn: What truce?
Maddy: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.
Ant: Wait, I'm a choir kid!
Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*

Maddy: ARE YOU-
Fontaine : F*cking.
Maddy: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Fontaine F*cking.
Maddy: IDIOT!
Kaiko: ...What was that?
Fontaine : Alpheus banned Maddy from swearing, so I'm helping them out.