on the other side • muke

n i n e.

yall need to comment some ideas

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there was a knock at the front door meaning calum and ashton were here to pick me up. i checked my appearance one last time in the mirror before sliding my shoes on and opening the front door.

"all set?" calum asked, smiling as ashton snuck a kiss to his cheek quickly.

michael used to do that.

i nodded eagerly and walked to ashton's car. calum sat up front claiming i wasn't old enough.

"you're just a nine foot ten year old." calum laughed as we drove into town. lights were put up, hanging across building to building. (they never bothered to take them down during christmas) i smiled as i looked up at them, ashton snuck calum a quick kiss on the cheek as he pulled up in front of the movie theater.

calum had his head resting on ashton's should as they walked into the tall building. i frowned,

michael and i used to do that.

"three to see ninja turtles?" ashton said, coming out more like a question to the rest of us. we nodded in agreement and the lady behind the counter gave us our tickets. 

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it was only half hour into the film till i realized i was left alone with my thoughts while calum and ashton cuddled together. i frowned, again,

michael used to do that

and if you say that one more time you won't be allowed to finish the rest of the movie

i snuck secret glances over at the two though, smiling at some of the things they did. ashton would occasionally whisper things into calum's ear making his cheeks got a crimson red. the voices continued to yell at me as i thought about them, well thought about michael.

he used to do all these things with me, hell, this was exactly how our first date went.  after getting sick of watching ashton nip at calum's neck, i listened to the voices. 

-and you have us now luke

you don't even exist

who told you such things?

the therapist, remember last session?

no, he shut us out

without warning, my mind flashed back to my last session with doctor hace. (that's the worst last name i've ever thought of but i'm in a rush)

"how did you and michael get along?" doctor hace asked. i tapped my chin with my finger, slowly, i had been getting comfortable after ashton told me some stories about the times he was in here and begged me to go back. as he brought up michael my mini headache that had started to form disappered. all because i answered."they were amazing, he would always cuddle me and tell me i was beautiful." i smiled, thinking back to all the memories we had together.

calum was right, he didn't mean to hit me and kick me out. he even went to go look for me afterwards, probably realizing his mistake. but it's been so long, and there was no way i could go back. i don't even know if he's alive.

"that's good, and what happened?"

"can you ask a different question?" i asked, suddenly feeling really sad now.

"of course."

my thoughts trained back to the movie that was sort of coming to an end. calum and ashton were no longer all over each other and instead in their own chairs. for once. i sucked in a deep breath and tapped calum's shoulder getting his attention. "i'll be right back."

he nodded and i got up from my chair and left for the bathroom. tears were randomly falling down my cheeks for some reason, like i was triggered but i couldn't figure out what it was. i entered the bathroom, sighing to relief when seeing it was empty.

i collapsed against the white tile, my knees tucked up to my chest and my head in my hands. why did i agree on going to this? i was third wheeled the entire time and i didn't get to cuddle with someone like calum did. i didn't have anyone. why did i leave people? i made people feel empty. is this how the other side feels? 

the sound of the last stall opening had me off the floor. i quickly wiped my teary eyes and looked at the bright red colored hair on top the guys head in front of me. he looked like the guy i met that one night and at the shop. but wasn't his hair blue? he took out his phone and that confirmed it. he typed a couple things before handing the iphone to me and i took it from him.

you okay?

i typed back a quick 'fine' and handed him his phone back. he frowned.

no you're not, do you want to talk about it?

i shook my head no and gave him his phone. i couldn't bare the thoughts again. he nodded and waved goodbye before leaving. i washed my face, trying to get rid of any evidence that i was crying over my ex.

the movie had ended and i hadn't realized i was in there for so long until i took my phone out seeing i had messages from calum and ashton where i was. i walked outside seeing the two with worried expressions on their face.

"where did you go?" ashton asked.

"bathroom," i said bluntly.

"for two years?"

i rolled my eyes at his comment and we walked back to the car. the ride was oddly short but that was okay. i thanked calum and ashton before closing the car door and walking up my front steps. my eyes glanced over at the small hole towards the fence and i suddenly felt light headed.

my head gripped at my forehead trying to get it to stop but it didn't. i stumbled into my house, closing the door behind me and collapsing on the cold hardwood floors. 

i immediantly thought the voices but they've barely said anything. they only yelled whenever i thought of micael or answered something about him with passion. so how could this be happening? they go quiet whenever i'm around that boy but that could just be nothing.

i clenched my eyes shut as the pain started to get worse. maybe they were just too bottled up and letting go all at once.

wrong.

you see what happens when you shut us out for that long?

i nodded to no one in particular, gripping at the ends of my hair trying to get it to stop. 

"p-please." i whimpered, curling into a ball as my head contiued to ache. but all at once it just stopped. i untangled my hands from my hair and slowly got up.

do you promise not to keep us away for that long?

i thought about it first, should i? they would be mad if i said no and i didn't want that.

"i promise." i said aloud. "i promise to never talk about mi-him, or be around that boy ever again."

good boy, luke

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*sings loudly* THHHAATT WASSS THE SHIIITTTIIEESSTT CHAPPPTTERR I EVER WROOOTTEEEEE

i dont think i even remember what i wrote it was like some random shit but there you go