American Gods Oneshots

The Sun: Mad Sweeney - American Gods

Mad Sweeney x friend!reader, romantic

At a coffee shop, you annoy Sweeney and he snaps so you drag him outside where he confesses.

Part of dragon430′s Tarot Troop on Tumblr, edited by her as well.

CW: Mentions of potential violence and you annoying the fuck out of Sweeney.

Word count: 1.1+ K

•

"O, O, O'REILLY's AUTO PARTS!" You yell at the top of your lungs right into Mad Sweeney's ear. Personally, you would have preferred to do the Red Robin jingle, but you did that yesterday and needed new material.

Mad Sweeney, more than a little hungover, groaned. "It's too fucking early, Y/N. Go away, you chaotic fuck." He tried to snuggle back into the sofa, but you had other plans.

You sucked in your lips, trying not to smile. "OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! Dow, dow, dow, dow, dow, dow. OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! OOH EEH OOH AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG!"

"ALRIGHT, WILL YA QUIT YER YAPPIN' ALREADY?" Sweeney shouted, snapping his head to the side, his upper body still resting on the sofa.

You snickered and smiled at him.

"Yer a menace, N/N," he said. "A right fuckin' menace."

"It's a glorious day, my redheaded friend! We should do something!" You bounced around, pulling at his jacket. "We could go to the park and throw bread at people who try to feed bread to the ducks! Or go for a swim in a public fountain! Or maybe-"

Sweeney cut you off. "It's too fuckin' early for this. I need a fuckin' drink before we do anything at all."

"It's also too early in the mornin' for that," you said.

Sweeney groaned and face-planted back into the sofa. You, being you, started poking his face.

"Sweeney. Sweeney. Sweeney. Sweeney. Sweeney." Between every call of his name, you poked him. "Sweeeeeeeneeeeey."

You didn't know when this started. When you'd started bothering him at every turn, just, generally, being chaotic and troublesome. But it sure was funny. And if he really hated it, he could just walk away.

Sweeney groaned and turnt his head. "I need fuckin' coffee before I start dealin' with ya, ya fuckin' cunt."

You grinned and bopped his nose.

•

"OH, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes! Oh, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes! She'll be drivin' six white horses–"

Sweeney clamped a hand over your mouth.

Wetting your tongue with as much saliva as possible, you start sticking your tongue out into his hand repeatedly, licking it like a cat licks their water bowl.

He pulled his hand away in disgust. It looked like he was getting ready to smack you.

"What the fuck is wrong with ya?" He asked. "Seriously? Why the fuckin' hell would ya do that? I swear, yer battier than a fuckin'–"

An old lady with white hair muttered something. It was just loud enough for you to listen. "Big man like that. He oughta be ashamed of himself. Yellin' at someone so sweet and innocent looking. Oh, that poor–"

He had enough of everyone in that moment. "How 'bout you spend a day in my fuckin' shoes. Deal with this–" he said, pointing at you. "–Little fucker for a day."

The old lady glared at him then gestured to you. "They're just a sweet, innocent little thing. And, you," she said, pointing at him. "Are a brute."

"Yeah, I'm sweet and innocent," you said. The opportunity to fuck with him was right there. Of course, you'd take it.

Your false words fueled Sweeney's rage. "Ya want a brute, I'll show ya a brute!" He tried to get at the old lady, lunging forward and all that.

You were barely able to pull him back. "Nope, sorry, Sweeney, not today." You push him toward the door and look back at the lady. "He's a mess without his cuppa joe in the mornin', ya know?"

As you meet Sweeney in the parking lot, you realize he isn't just his usual angry. The look on his face screamed murder.

"Sweeney, come on, it was just a joke," you said. "I know I'm not sweet and innocent, and you know I just do things to piss you off."

"Ya do a lot more than piss me off! Ya make my life a living fuckin' Hell, actually." He neared you, a vein popping out of his neck. "I have no fuckin' clue why da fuck I even hang 'round you most of the time. Ya drive me fuckin' mad, Y/N. Mad!" The tall man turnt his back to you and ran his hands through his hair. He seemed to be caught up in his thoughts as he stared into the sky. "It's those stupid fuckin' eyes, innit? And that laugh and smile." He sighed and shook his head. "It's just every fuckin' thing about you."

"What are you talking about, Mad?" You asked.

He looked over his shoulder at you. "You don't see it, do you?" He asked. "You have no fuckin' clue."

"See what?"

"That I love you."

Your jaw dropped. 'When did that happen?' You thought.

Then you thought back to this morning and remembered him staring at you as you rambled about the things you could do together. Then about the night prior and how he had called you on a payphone, asking you to come get him, and how he had fallen into your arms, nuzzling his head into your neck. It was sweet, and you had laughed, finding his action funny. You continued thinking about the past. About how he'd slip his hand into yours when he could. How he'd look at you when he thought you weren't looking. How he'd call you late at night or just show up at your place whenever. It was so obvious now.

"Oh," you whispered. "OH!"

Sweeney looked away, ashamed.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner!?" You asked.

He shrugged.

You started moving side to side with a smirk, acting like you were dancing like Rick Astley. "We're no strangers to looove. You know the rules and so. Do. Iiiii. A full commitment's what I'm thinking of–" You sang before Sweeney stopped you.

Instead of putting his hand over your mouth again, he pulled you into a kiss, hands gripping your jacket. The force and passion behind it was intoxicating. You kissed back, setting your hands on his sides.

When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to yours and panted. The connection was nice, calming in a way.

"Y/N, don't ya fuckin' start with me," he whispered.

You laughed. "Well, I'm happy. You?"

Sweeney looked at you, a slight smile on his face and kindness (or was it love? You couldn't tell) in his eyes. "I'm very fuckin' happy," he said. "But will ya please not be so fuckin' annoyin'?"

"Nope!" You grinned, mischief on your mind.