"She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive,
She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire,
She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher,
Than I've ever been."
-
Harry's pov-
I pulled myself out of her bed a few hours after she had fallen asleep. I untangled myself from her body, trying not to wake her, as I slowly stood up from the bed. I grabbed my shirt off the floor, throwing it over my head, before heading for her bedroom door. I turned, getting one last look at her body draped delicately on her duvet, before closing the door quietly behind me.
She had fallen asleep not long after she had finished crying. I didn't like seeing her upset. That was what I had been trying to avoid.
Every time I saw her I became more attached. But after holding her there while she cried, watching her fall asleep, I was more than fond. I wanted to stay with her so badly, but I knew I had to go.
Going to her place was a bad idea. It only made everything worse. And I had to add the fact that she was a virgin to my list of things to worry about.
It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would, but if it had been anyone else, it would have been a big deal. I had made it a rule that I didn't have sex virgins, but I had already made many exceptions for her, so what was one more. There was just something about her that made me break my own rules.
She was different. I didn't want to have sex with her. Well I mean I did, just not in the same way as with other girls. Usually I found someone that could make my dick hard, and I used them till I was finished, and then sent them on their way. In hindsight, that was very wrong, but again I didn't really care. But for some reason I had no desire to do that to her.
She made me feel things. Things I couldn't understand. I had never cared about anyone else's feelings before, but I was terrified I was going to hurt her.
There was no way I could have sex with her. I know she would get too attached, and that would only make the heart break worse. But if I didn't have sex with her, she would think it was because she was inexperienced.
It was all so fucking complicated. Believe me I wanted to have sex with her so bad, but I didn't want to face the repercussions. If something happened it would crush her, and I couldn't stand watching her fall apart like that. I mean just her shedding a few tears made me want to jump off a bridge, and by what I had seen, she was a very emotional person.
I wished I could beat the shit out of every guy who had ever treated her like that. Who made her feel like she wasn't good enough. She needed someone good. Someone better than me. Because if I was being honest, I was just like those guys.
I quickly made my way out the front door of her apartment, skipping steps as I made my way down the stairs of building, ending up in the lobby. I walked across the dirty red carpet, before making it to the revolving door. I stepped inside, making my way around, finally reaching the outside as the warm summer air hit my face.
The whole way down I was thinking about how I hadn't locked the door, but there was really no way for me to do it from the outside. I knew I was going to worry about it all night, but I tried my best to blow it off, hoping Felicity would get home soon enough.
I walked down the busy street quickly, weaving through the strange amount of people that were out, knowing I was already late. I knew he was going to have my head if I wasn't on time for the third time in a row, but I didn't really care. As long as he didn't kill me, I'd be fine.
But I knew he wasn't going to do that. I was too valuable.
Normally I wouldn't have given a fuck if he was going to kill me or not, and some days I even wished he would, but I had changed since I met her. I knew even though we barley knew each other, it would have an effect on her. She was a loving person, and I could tell she got attached easily, and something like that would ruin her.
See that was part of the problem. I never cared about anything ever. But now I did. It was stupid. I had just met the girl for fucks sakes.
How can I already feel like this?
I had never felt like that before.
The walk back really made me regret not driving to her house. That night I had just gotten so worked up, I just started running. When I left I didn't even really know where I was going, but somehow I ended up at her door. I didn't even remember going in that direction.
To be honest I was surprised I really remembered any of it. I was so drunk it was a miracle I was even able to walk. I was really hoping she didn't notice, although I thought I played it off pretty well.
I walked faster, realizing I wouldn't have time to go and change. I knew I would get bitched at for how sloppy I looked along with the fact I was about five minutes late.
Just go in and get it over with.
I walked inside the bar feeling that familiar pit in my stomach with only one thought in my mind.
Her.
