TW: VIOLENCE
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"Love,
I said real love,
Is like feeling no fear,
When you're standing in the face of danger,
Cause you just want it so much,
A touch,
From your real love..."
-
I woke up feeling like absolute shit. My eyes were puffy from how much I had cried the night before, and I had a splitting headache from how much I had drank. I guess my last hangover wasn't enough to convince me to not drink anymore.
I woke up feeling like I definitely needed more sleep, but my body wasn't letting me. I had spent most of the night in my bathroom hung over the toilet. Drinking that much alcohol was fairly new to me, and then when you add the fact I hadn't eaten hardly anything that day, it was a recipe for a night in the bathroom.
Even tough I couldn't go back to sleep, I stayed under my covers hiding from the world.
The second I woke up, I got a whiff of Harry's cologne, which made my stomach turn. I looked down at what I was wearing, realizing it was his kiss tee shirt he had let me wear home. I didn't even realized that's what I had put on.
The though of Harry popping back into my mind made me so emotional, I couldn't help but cry. What he said to me that night had been playing over and over in my head.
I never fucking wanted you anyway.
Why would he say that to me?
He knew what he was doing. He knew he was being mean.
I couldn't understand how he could just change so quickly. He was so sweet to me when I first got to the bar that night, and it was like he had completely flipped. One minute he was kissing me and telling me it was all going to be alright, and then the next he was kicking me out. I couldn't understand how he could just changed on a dime.
The way he yelled at me was awful, and don't get me started on how he lied, trying to convince me I was the one who was wrong. How could he sit there and try to convince me I was delusional? Try to change to truth like that. Convince me I was the one lying. It was all too much for me to handle.
I came to Seattle to get away from drama. I didn't want to have to worry about ever feeling like that again. Feeling that emptiness.
I never felt like that when I was with him until now. That was what drew me to him. His warmth. The way he filled that hole that had been in me since I was a little girl. I felt happy again, but he had a way of pulling the rug out from under me.
It was like he flipped back and fourth between two different people. Like he wasn't always himself. Or maybe that was the real him? Maybe the Harry I liked wasn't him at all.
My attention turned to my bedroom door as it creaked open slightly, letting the artificial light from the hallway sneak into my room. I watched Felicity peek her head inside, trying to get a feel for my mood, sending me a soft smile as she opened the door just enough to see me.
"Cali?"
"Yeah." I replied through sniffles, trying to wipe my tears away before she could see.
"Are you okay?" She asked, making her way inside, closing the door quietly behind her.
I still hadn't told her about everything that had happened, and I wasn't sure if I was even ready to explain. Even thinking about Harry made me emotional, so I wasn't sure if I would even be able to get the words out.
