Her tutor

42

Tw: mention of suicide

Peyton's Pov
Tapping outside my window was water droplets. Soon it turned to shower and than hard rain poured down.

The sky was gray which only means that my entire room was gray. The dark inside my room with only a lit candle yet the entire room was still lit with somber. Sad novels flooding my head which was only drained out by the music blasting through my ears.

Flowers have wilted... sun hasn't shined in days and I could feel my body strictly in pain.

The food hasn't looked good in days. My favorite memories has melted. Yet still here with the thoughts flooding around.

"Peyton..." I heard as I felt my mom sit in the end of the bed.

"It will get better..." she said and I wanted to laugh by the fact I'm already gone.

Losing the voice that mean the most in my head. Using whatever I had left to fight my lowest still losing the battle slowly.

A few minutes later the bed shifted. I looked at the door and it closed quietly. Turning and tossing not caring the machines that went through my arm.

My back faced the world. Nothing but black... I'm lost in a world that's full of negativity. All positive in this world is gone and it's destroying everyone.

Ding.

The name Boon <3 popped my phone every night and every morning.

The sound of the rain mixed with the music that sounded was the only thing keeping me from the edge.

"Peyton." I heard seeing the doctor.

He sat on the edge and I didn't move. I didn't dare to move. He lit the other two candles showing more light in the room.

He checked the machines. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor and the tube that went down my arm.

"These medicines are suppose to help you. This is why your feeling this way." He said and I felt like I was betrayed.

"This medicine is the cause..." he said showing the medicine that was prescribed from me by my original doctor.

"Go away." I said and he sighed loudly.

Hearing the tap of the bottle when it sat down he left the room leaving the lit candles on.

The door kept opening and closing all day. I kicked the sheets off of me feeling the cold in my room. Doesn't matter what way I die as long as the pain is gone I'm fine.

They kept putting the blanket over me. I'm pretty sure I'm really close to them putting restraints on me. I kept fighting them back whenever they tried touching me. Anyones touch made me tremble wether it was my face, under my clothes or my legs... I could still feel Jackson's cold hands under my sweatshirt where I was wearing nothing but a bra...

They brought food that looked disgusting. Paxton would make sure I'd eat a little at the most before leaving. I remembered Paxton taking all the blades out of my room. She took all sharp things I could use to self harm myself.

I don't care. Self harm wouldn't be the way to go. As fact I'd rather of overdose and die in a peaceful way. A way where no one could stop it after it's done. A way where it would be too late to rush me in a place where doctors prevent you from dying.

The pills on the desk stared at me. There was a total of 30 and it was all just pain meds mixed together. Acetaminophen, ibuprofen, Advil, pain relievers.

I sat up kicking the sheets off and got up to take a shower. Haven't taken one in a few days so maybe this would help clear my head out.

The hot running water down my back. My eyes closed as I was in my own world destroying whatever made me happy. Anna... the little fight of imagination of me and Anna. We fought and it didn't feel good either. It's getting worse...