✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

59. Damage Control

Tess cursed her own stupidity as she walked away. She didn't know what had happened. Or rather, she knew exactly what had happened, but didn't know what could have possessed her to be so careless. She'd been talking to Spike after all of their friends drifted away for the evening, and a chance comment from Gabby had made her wonder again if the boy she was so interested in might be gay. And perhaps having such a good time that evening had stopped her overthinking things so much, so she'd asked him. And this time, they'd got close to something that might be almost an answer.

Spike wasn't gay. He wasn't straight either. It was a hard thing to wrap her mind around. He didn't know what he was interested in. When Chloe had said she wasn't interested in guys, so many people had told her it was because she hadn't found the right guy. But maybe for Spike, that was actually true. He hadn't met anyone yet who could make him feel that way, and until he did he wasn't going to guess what kind of person they might be.

That was simple, and something Tess could respect. And then he'd turned to her and asked about a romantic movie that they'd been curious about. Tess couldn't even remember the title now, but if Spike wanted to watch it she would certainly have been happy to go with him. She'd tried not to get her hopes up, and told herself that he was going to invite a bunch of friends. But then he'd asked her if it was okay to invite someone else, and had suggested Kim and her boyfriend could be interested. That he'd asked at all told her that he wasn't thinking about a bunch of friends hitting the theatre together. Inviting another couple made it feel like a date, while still giving her an excuse to say it wasn't if she wasn't comfortable with that. It was a safety date, something that could easily turn into a social occasion if they got embarrassed, or if it didn't feel right. He was doing exactly what she'd suggested, trying a date with someone who would understand if he said afterwards that he didn't feel anything.

Tess tried not to get her hopes up, but there was no other way she could see that. After all the worrying about his identity, and how he saw himself, and her parents thinking he was gay... it seemed like Spike really liked her. Or at least liked her enough that he could imagine a relationship being possible. It wasn't like he'd come out and said it, but it was still more than she could have hoped for. She'd been wishing for this for most of the last year, and she didn't realise until it was almost in her grasp just how much this meant to her. Her heart was racing, she was sure she was flushed, and her knees started feeling weak. He was still holding her hand as he said it, and now it felt like that touch really meant something. She felt a little dizzy, overwhelmed by how intense her emotions could become with just a simple request.

And that dizziness, coupled with an hour or more walking around in the parks of Upper Ashfields, and however long they'd spent watching Tags again before that, was exactly what she didn't need. In the moment when it felt like the rest of the world no longer mattered, when the only thing on her mind was how lucky she was to have such a serious, careful guy, Tess had wet herself.

She didn't know if it was surprise or confusion; her brain freezing up in response to words she'd always hoped for but never expected; or just the fact that the conversation had held her attention so completely that she'd not thought to look for a restroom regardless of her desperation since well before the last friend had left. At every moment, there had always been something more important on her mind. And now she didn't have the option any more. She turned around quickly, hoping that Spike hadn't noticed. She tried to clamp down and stop the stream of pee running down her legs. She muttered a few words about how she had to hurry home, and how he needed to check on his little brother. She didn't want to push him away, she knew that he would think he had done something wrong. This was Spike, after all, and he wanted everyone around him to be happy. But she absolutely didn't want him to see what was happening to her.

It was already dark, a little after sunset, and perhaps that could help her. He couldn't see her in too much detail. The ground was wet from rain earlier in the day, and there were still some puddles on the ground, so he might not notice one more forming around her feet. She said her goodbye as quickly as she could, and strode away before he could respond. Her heart was already racing, somehow this vague hint that he might be interested in her was the most intense experience of her life, and knowing that she was running away terrified her. But what else could she do? If he saw her wet herself then he would only be able to laugh at her, and she couldn't face that. She had to get away as quickly as possible, and hope that she could think of something to explain it later.

Just around the corner, she started to cry. This could have been the best night of her life and now it was the worst. She couldn't believe her luck. But she had been in tears before, often because of the things people had said about her, and she knew that giving in to those feelings would only make her feel worse. She choked back the sobs and forced herself to take a deep breath. PRMCT was a large campus, much larger than the town of Pine Ridge itself. All kinds of medical services were on the same site, from dentists to a nurse training facility, and from an emergency hospital to sheltered housing for the elderly and disabled. And she was sure that the sheer number of injured, sick, and old people would have to mean that you were never far from a bathroom.

She found the nearest by looking at a sign, and after a little hesitation walked through a wide door with a 'disabled' sign on it. There was more space in there; a brightly-lit cube of white tiles where she could think about her next move.

Tess turned around slowly, examining herself in the mirror. She'd changed after school, and that might save her now. There were a few damp patches on the skirt she was wearing, but the uniform skirt in her bag was probably still clean, even if it was rumpled. She had no idea how to go about cleaning pee-soaked running shoes, but there hadn't been space for comfortable footwear in her bag. The extra space needed for her science homework had meant she was still wearing her too-smart school shoes, which didn't have any fabric parts and would therefore presumably wipe clean.

She had white ankle socks as well, as the uniform demanded. Those were soaked; she would have to take them off. For a moment she considered washing them under the tap, wringing them out, and hiding them at the bottom of her bag so that she could throw them in the laundry once she got home. But she quickly realised that everything else in her bag would end up getting damp, and there was a less than zero chance that she would somehow get caught if Gabby was snooping around. Instead, Tess screwed up the socks and threw them in the trash. She had something like twenty identical pairs at home, and losing one wouldn't make a noticeable dent in the stack in her drawer. She did the same for her underwear; she couldn't afford for Gabby to find that before the next laundry day, and nobody would notice.

Tess looked in the mirror again, and took a deep breath. She could do this. It had been dark enough outside that even Spike might not have seen what had happened. Nobody would ever know, and she would make certain that it never happened again. She took off the stained skirt, bundled it up with the damp patches on the inside, and shoved it in her bag. She wiped herself down with damp paper towels and disinfectant soap from the dispenser on the wall, and then patted her legs dry. She was sure now that there would be no scent, no clue to suggest to anyone what had happened today.

With a final sigh, after putting her grey school skirt back on, she took another look at herself in the mirror. She looked like she had been crying, so she washed her face as well and hoped that it would be too subtle to notice. Now, she thought she could face the world again. She'd certainly been able to clean herself up much more effectively than she could have done hiding in a regular toilet stall. Going for the disabled one had been a great choice, and that was something to remember in future... except that she was absolutely determined to never need that information again.

Author's Note: After writing chapter 68 and 69 (the longest chapter so far), I think it's about time to change the genre of this story. I had it as "General Fiction", but have now changed it to "Romance", because that seems to be a significant part of it. I hope that's not going to put anybody off.

Hope this chapter isn't putting anyone off as well... I feel bad about letting someone be so mean to Tess. But it will work out in the end ☺