✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

68. Second Thoughts?

Author's note: This chapter is one I was really nervous about; I found it really hard to write, and hope that the scene comes across well. It's also dedicated to Jordan, my biggest supporter on Patreon. So thank you, Jordan, and I hope you enjoy it.

Dinner was good. Spike and Tess could have been very lucky, getting their pizza prepared by a staff member with actual culinary experience rather than cooked according to the whims of the timer, and by chance getting precisely the right balance of toppings; or they might just have appreciated it more because they were happy, and the whole world felt richer and full of life. There was no real way to test the difference, and neither of them was paying enough attention to think about it.

The film was great as well. It was shown with subtitles, which meant they had to pay a little more attention than they otherwise would have, but that wasn't such a big deal. At the start, parts of the audience were probably getting frustrated with the samurai who didn't think he was good enough to ask the lord's daughter to marry him. But just when Tess was expecting him to disappear in a vortex of infinite angst, one of his friends was shot trying to prevent a robbery. The main guy's feelings snapped into focus as he gave a speech to his peers. He was the positive one, the one who would never give up. But he could also see that the import of Western firearms would soon bring an end to the age of the sword, and he knew that his job and lifestyle were far from secure. He had real reasons for not wanting to drag the woman he loved into a life of possible poverty.

Tess squeezed Spike's hand in a way that might have meant "He should ask anyway, and give her the choice." When his head turned towards her, she gave him a quick smile. She wasn't going to be like the bunch of kids on the front row constantly criticising the show in hushed voices, but she wanted him to know that she was more than happy to be here.

Some time before the end, Tess realised that she wasn't quite sure what was happening on the screen. It was thrilling, and the fight scenes had everyone on the edge of their seats; somehow the director had managed to make guns seem like a strange, exotic new weapon, and the tension ratcheted up every time someone was seen with one. But she wasn't quite sure who was betraying whom now. Perhaps she'd missed one too many lines, and spent too much time with her eyes on the boy beside her instead of the screen. Was that how it was supposed to be on date night? She hadn't been on enough to know, but she wondered if it might be better to pick something that didn't have subtitles next time.

'Next time.' Did she dare to think those words, when they hadn't even said there was a 'this time' to speak of?

She wanted to see Spike smile, that would tell her that the evening had been worthwhile. And she could turn her head and see him every time she wanted; half the time looking right back at her. And those were the moments when he seemed most excited, if she allowed herself to believe it. One time he started to lean closer, and a nervous smile became slightly more confident. His mouth opened a fraction, like he wanted to say something, or like... something Tess didn't even want to imagine, in case she scared the fragile idea away. She mirrored the movement, turning towards him so they could properly look at each other.

And then he lost his nerve, and pretended he had been leaning over to reach a bucket of popcorn all along. Or perhaps that had been his intent all along, and Tess was just seeing what she wanted to see. There was no way to know, but she pulled her hand away to grab a few pieces for herself and turned her eyes back to the screen.

For five minutes, Tess stayed just a little tense, half hoping that Spike would take her hand again. She realised that it had always been her that made contact. Her hand that brushed against his, and then held his fingers between her own. Was he just being polite by not rejecting her? Was he tolerating her approach because he didn't want to hurt his friend? She didn't want those thoughts, but it was hard to avoid them. She'd known for so long that Spike would give up anything to make her happy; but that the same was true for all his friends. Could he just be a guy who couldn't say 'no'?