✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

117. Selfish Thoughts

Tess laughed and turned back to her toys. She didn't know if Spike had any more questions to ask, but she'd noticed something bright pink sticking up at the back of the pile, and was suddenly consumed by curiosity about what it was. She dived down from the couch and landed heavily on her knees before grabbing the pink thing. It turned out to be a bath for one of the dolls, which she had probably played with just an hour ago and then forgotten about. She couldn't keep thoughts in her head now; it was too easy to be distracted by the smallest piece of information.

"You want to go back to playing, baby?" Spike asked. "Had enough Pocket Cats?" Tess just nodded and giggled. She liked the cartoon with the funny cats, but there were so many toys in this pile that she hadn't explored yet. Maybe she had, she thought, and she just didn't remember. But they still felt new and exciting, and she still had to enjoy playing with them. And after a short period of distracted euphoria, her thoughts were back. When she realised that she wasn't actually having fun, all the other negative thoughts were back to detract from the experience. She needed to ask Spike if she could grow up, so they could talk about this properly. She set the toys down, putting the train in the little pink plastic bath, and then grabbed the edge of the sofa for a second so that she could stand without assistance.

She thought about saying something straightforward. She could ask if they could stop. Or she could say that she was grown up again, and end the session. But she didn't want it to seem like she was cutting off his fun without warning, and she didn't want to upset him. This was supposed to be a yellow light, not a red. She just wanted to be a bit bigger and get out of diapers, and then she would play for as long as he wanted until they were in a suitable state of mind to properly talk all this over. And if the diapers were something he really felt was necessary to their relationship, she would be able to decide just how often she was willing to indulge him. It was still hard to think about it now, her thoughts were kind of jumbled, but she knew that it was important to grow up a little, so that she could talk about this later.

"Want to get back on the couch, baby?"

"Uh-uh," Tess said, and shook her head. She was doing her best to seem serious; but she found it a little exciting that she still sounded like a little kid. It reminded her just how powerful the hypnosis was, and how helpless she would be once they had found a scene that she could really enjoy. "Gotta go potty. Can I... uhh..." The feeling of relief as she wet her diaper again distracted her for a second, and she couldn't quite focus on what she'd been trying to say. But the feeling quickly passed, and she was left with only the warmth between her thighs. She tried to remember what she had been planning to say, and came out with: "Yeah, gotta potty. Like a big girl?"

"Okay, sweetie. But you can use your diaper, can't you? I promise I don't mind changing you. In fact, I think when you spaced out for a moment there, you might have already had a little accident. Did you make your butt all soggy?" He paused for a second, and Tess nodded. It had happened at the worst possible moment, so now it would be harder to grow up without making Spike think that she no longer trusted him. But he continued: "Well then. Would you like me to change you into a nice clean diaper? Or maybe you enjoy the feeling, like a real baby?"

"I gotta go potty," Tess insisted, aware that she probably needed to say something that moved the discussion on a little. If she couldn't persuade him, she could just stop the playtime. But that was still a last resort, that she felt would sour a lot of the fun for both of them. "Can I be biggerer, so I can go potty like a big girl? I gotta go poopies!"

"I think you're just going to use your diaper," Spike argued. "I'm really okay with changing you, and you can be a complete baby if that's what you want. There's no need to grow up just for a call of nature. One year olds pee and poop whenever they feel the urge, and they don't need to feel embarrassed about it at all because it's completely natural at that age. At one, you probably don't even understand what it means to grow up."