✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

119. Aftercare

Dinner turned out to be some kind of risotto thing. It wasn't a meal Tess had tried before, and a good portion of her plate was filled with what tasted like rice-coated mozzarella balls, with meat and sauce drizzled over the top. It was the kind of thing you could imagine a little kid eating with their fingers, and some of the little balls of rice seemed to have been shaped like cats or dinosaurs; but that was the only hint that this might be a meal aimed at a child.

"Cute," she said as she picked up the first one, and she saw a tiny flicker of a smile from Spike. He'd looked more serious than ever as she entered the room, making her worry yet again that she had disappointed him. She felt bad about interrupting their playtime before, when she might have led him to believe that it would last until late in the evening, and now she was compounding the rejection by not being a baby when she came down again. She could have been littler, she knew that, but she was still a little afraid.

"Is that too silly?" Spike asked, pointing at an animal-shaped ball on her plate. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I can have the animals if you prefer. I just thought you might..."

"They're sweet," she reassured him. "Did you make them? That's the kind of thing I see a good daddy doing. I bet your dad gave you stuff like this, didn't he?" She gestured towards his bracelet, which he was still wearing. What would Daddy do? They were the words that meant the most to him, and she hoped that reminding him of the bond with his own father would help him to understand that she didn't think he'd done something wrong. "I might not be regressed right now, but I can still appreciate cute. And sentimental, you know? It shows that you care. The theme of the treats doesn't matter, so much as the fact that you put effort into them. For me. I really appreciate that, you know? And I..." she hesitated then, realising that she'd gotten carried away and started saying something that she hadn't planned to say just yet. But it was still something she needed to say, so she pushed herself forwards and tried to finish the sentence: "I'm sorry if this afternoon wasn't what you were hoping for. You were a wonderful Daddy, and I'll try to be the little girl you deserve, any time you want to try again. There's still some... some inhibitions. But if it matters to you, I can try to get over that."

"No," Spike shook his head. "No, I mean... it's got to be about what you enjoy. Or both of us, really. You can't get hung up on avoiding things that are a problem for me, and forgetting about yourself. There's a compromise there, maybe. But it might be better if we talk about what we want before trying anything like that again. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to..."

"How about we eat before the big, serious conversations?" Ffrances suggested, and Tess could only agree. She pulled up a chair and sat next to Spike, hoping that she would be able to have that conversation when the time came. She didn't feel up to being all serious right now, but she knew that it would probably be easier the sooner they could bring themselves to talk like adults.

"We can talk about it like adults," she said. "But not right now. Later. You seemed to be enjoying yourself before it got... weird. So if you want, I could be a little bit littler. Like, I can call you Daddy if you want, and try to be cute, and do what you say. But still capable of doing... grown up stuff. If that's okay?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with, Tess," he answered, and she could tell that for a moment he'd wanted to use some pet name but couldn't decide what was the right word to say. Her heart soared when she heard that he still wanted to be with her. He didn't seem to be angry, so maybe this could still work. "You're such a sweet little baby, and you can play all you want. Whatever kind you want. Are you going to be a little older this time, like four or five?"

"I don't know if I'd want to go that far," she said. "I hope I'm not letting you down too much, but I think I had enough of babying for one night. But I feel a little childish whenever I dress the part, and this outfit... If you treat me like a kid, I might get carried away and act like it too. But no more hypnotic triggers, if that's okay? I mean... I can't believe I'm saying this, because I'm so curious about those words, and how I respond. but right now I'm just scared. I'd rather see if you can make me feel small just with your words and your actions. If that's what you want."