ME AND HIM ✔️

Epilogue

I love you too

Those were the last words I said to the love of my life.

The last words I said to my life.

After I murdered her, everything went black.

Literally.

They knocked me out and took me to their safe house.

I think I was yelling in the dark for over an hour, until they finally let me out. If I was them, I would have kept me locked in and threw away the key.

I don't deserve to see the sun after what I did.

And when I asked about her body, what they had done with it. They left her. Alone.

I didn't get the goodbye I wanted. But I got what I deserve.

And I will never forgive myself for it.

Did the others get away? God, I hope so. It was the only thing Rue would have wanted with her dying breath. Which she shouldn't have been thinking about. She shouldn't have had her last breath until she was 80, with greying hair.

But I ruined it. I ruin everything. And now I have to live with it for the rest of my life.

I'll pray that it's short.

I stand in front of the mirror. I don't recognize myself anymore. I don't recognize the lips Rue had once touched. I don't recognize the hair she ran her hands through. I don't recognize the tattoos she traced, or the skin she caressed.

I don't recognize anything.

Except the scars that scatter my arms, my chest, my back. Only my scars.

I take my knife from my belt where it had rested, and bring it to my wrist.

"I can't live without you." I whisper to myself. "I can't do it."

"Are you In love with Rue?" Aniyah had said.

Yes. I love Rue. I am in love with Rue.

"I don't know what love should feel like."

I do know what love feels like. To me, love is caring for someone so much it hurts when you're not around them. Love is pain, and lust, and Rue.

Rue is my love. She was, my love- no. She will always be my love. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at someone and not think about her.

Rue taught me how to feel.

And I repaid it with death.

I let the tip of my knife, sink itself into my skin. I don't wince in pain. Because right now, there is nothing more painful than the realization of what I've done.

To her.

I brush my finger over my other marks.

I killed my uncle because he had roofied my mother's drink. I killed my cousin because he looked at me the wrong way. I only mark the people I killed by hand. If I made a mark for every building I've blown up, I would die from blood loss.

I deserve to die by blood loss.

I deserve to be dead in general.

If I kill myself, I'm taking the short way out. I deserve to suffer, knowing what I did. No matter how much I wish death will come take me. I will never do it by my own hand. Because it's the same hand that killed Rue.

So I will spend the rest of my miserable fucking life, letting myself drown in my misery. I'll let the truth eat my soul until there's nothing left. I will let my heart rot from the inside out.

Because no one deserves to be around a monster like me.

Until we meet again, my Tesoro.

I love you.