Relationship With My Best Friend

Chapter 54.

Song: Black out Days by Phantogram

My head hurts. Scratch that. My head is pounding. There is such a deep throbbing everywhere inside of my head, so deep that it physically hurts to open my eyes. My stomach is twisting and turning in a grueling manner while my body wants nothing more than to stay stationed within the safety of my bed. And while I try my best not to let the haunting images of the events of last night intervene, the task only causes my head to shift painfully.

I groan, turning over and reaching for my phone. Opening my eyes is difficult, they want to stay together, but I force them open which leaves them puffy and sore. The light from my phone stings my pupils, but I have to know if Caleb tried to contact me.

After getting home last night, I put my air pods in and passed out. That would explain the headache I suppose. The music was to block any thoughts from intervening with my need to sleep, and it worked because I fell asleep within only a few minutes - tears drying as I did so. It is now almost noon, meaning I slept about twelve hours uninterrupted - which is more than I have slept in a long time.

I scroll through the long list of notifications that pop up on my home screen; some from Hardin, some from Ellie and a lot from Caleb. The burning of acid in my throat rises again and I drop my phone face down, covering my eyes with my hands.

I can't believe it. Probably never will. Of all the ways Caleb Mathews could hurt me, this one has to take the cake. Hooking up with my friend? Keeping it from me? Whether it is still going on or not, that should have been the one thing I knew. I feel like such an idiot for thinking we could be together peacefully - no interruptions or surprises, but Caleb really knows how to shock me. The one thing I have ever asked from him is honesty; transparency, and he couldn't do it. The betrayal I feel with this one is overwhelming, almost to the point of crushing me completely from the inside out.

My heart is broken, and the only one who can fix it now is me. I should have never relied on Caleb Mathews to be my rock - at least not as more than a friend - because I knew in the end something would blow up in my face. In this case it was my trust in him; my love and undying compliance with everything he had done in the past.

The past is the past, yes, but there are just some things that cannot be forgotten. This, unfortunate as it is, is one of those things. I thought maybe I would feel differently today, having had time to cool off, but the pain is just as cruel as it was last night.

I ignore the messages on my phone and get out of bed, downing a couple advil before undressing and heading to the bathroom. I run a bath this time instead of a shower, not really feeling like standing up. After successfully filling up the tub and adding essential oils for my head, I get comfortable beneath the water. I close my eyes as I lean my head against the tiled wall, already feeling the ache going away.

My phone begins buzzing beside me and I freeze; my stomach dropping to the bottom of the tub. What if it is Caleb? Should I answer if it is? I take a deep breath, willing myself not to be a coward as I pick up the vibrating device to Hardin's name popping up.

"Hardin," I breath into the phone as I click the green button.

"Ensley," he sighs, his voice low and concerned. I immediately burst out crying, my whole body shaking with each heave of sobs that wrack through me. He stays silent while I do, not daring to intervene in any attempt to console me. He knows that I need this, and he needs to listen.

"I don't understand," I finally shudder the words. "I don't know why he would do this."

With the breath he lets out I can tell he is running a hand through his hair. "I'm coming over. Is that okay?"