In outer sea | hyunlix

🌊ive got to keep🌊

Hi everyone, just a quick disclaimer before you start reading this story. It will contain the following:

.Warning.
-suicidal thoughts
-suicide attempt(s)
-mental health issues
-self harm
-angst
-smut
-depression
-swearing
-bullying

If any of these are a possible trigger to you, or make you have negative thoughts, I will advise you to click off and go enjoy another book and to take good care of yourself.

This is a story about recovery from severe mental health problems, in a sort of poetic and beautiful way. It does not shame anyone from feeling any type of way, it's to simply see the beauty in life.

Now if you're ready, I'll let you right to it.

<3

"Felix...this isn't going to work if you don't talk..." The lady in front of him said, her eyes analyzing his every move, every breath. She was quite nice, but this wasn't the issue.

"I've already told you everything..." Felix groaned as he melted into the chair he was in, playing with his freshly dyed blond hair.

"Therapy is all about communication, so how about you tell me when all of this started?"

Felix sighed as he looked at his wrist. Not even a bit of his skin was left untouched, filled up to his shoulders with scars, his thighs being no exception to this.

"I...I started because it hurts" he held his chest again, like he would when he gasped for air on many night, wondering when it will all stop. It was like a huge pain in the chest, pushing him more and more towards a window, a leap of faith.

"Why does it hurt? Could you think back to when I started to?"

"It started when I was eleven years old..." he looked down at the very first injury he had inflicted on himself. It was during recess after he had gotten bullied, he had found some scissors and well...that was the first time. Some may say that he was too young to even comprehend what he was doing, and that was right, but all he knew is that for just a second...it took all the pain away.

"I got bullied for the first time. They didn't like my freckles, something I can't change...and so it really hurt...here" he put a hand on his chest, showing her.

"Ok...have you ever had suicidal thoughts?"

Felix shrugged, he did every night, every day and every second.

Of course I do.

"I've already told you, I don't" he lied, absolutely no expression left on his face, they were all dragged away after all these years of crying himself to sleep. He didn't know why he couldn't be happy, he had a nice family, in good health, good grades, so what was the problem? He didn't know. All he knew was that every breath he took was like another knife to his chest.

"Felix, I need to know the truth."

"It is."

"I've been on this boat before Felix, it never ends well. Please just tell me..."

"Fine." Felix got up all of a sudden, slamming his hands on her desk.

"I'm so fucking sick of living. What's the point?! No food or friends could motivate me to stay in this fucking place! Everything I do feels pointless and I can't even put a finger as to why that is! I..." he paused for a second, widening his eyes as this was the first time he said this out loud.

"I want to die." His lips trembled as he let the only tear left in him drop down the side of his cheeks.

His therapist looked lost, she had been with him for the past five months and this was the most he's said yet. Her hand glided over to her phone, this was procedure after all. He needed a mental hospital, at least that's what they thought he needed.