Take a sad song and make it better

Chapter Sixteen

Everything was dark. Pitch black. Paul had that awful sensation of not knowing whether his eyes were open or closed, it was just so dark. For a while it was just as silent as it was dark, until the faint sound of whimpering could be heard. It started so quietly but soon Paul could distinguish the sobs and whimpers as that of Dots, she sounded so broken. Paul tried to turn around and search for her in the dark room, but he found himself stuck in place, his feet unable move. Instead his head whipped around frantically trying to find the source of the younger girls cries. Soon another set of sobs could be heard coming from a different direction. Even though he didn't think he had ever heard the person cry before in his life, he knew immediately that it was his Mothers whimpers that he could hear mixing in with  the heart wrenching sobs of Dot. Paul felt his throat constricting and he tried to raise his hand to cover his ears but they stayed stuck by his sides, refusing to move and block out those awful cries. More and more voices chimed in, his Father, his Brother, George and then John. Everyone close to Paul, a tidal wave of sorrowful sobs. They grew in volume with every passing second until it was as if all the people hiding in the shadows were screaming and moaning and Paul could do nothing but stand and listen to each individual cry and let the tears fall down his cheeks. Paul didn't know why they were crying, but they sounded so broken and hurt. It was unbearable. But all of a sudden it stopped. Silence crept over the room again, but only for a moment. Ever so quietly the sound a baby whimpering echoed through the room, then another joined it. They too grew louder and louder. And these were the cries that hurt him the most. They were so shrill and painful, Paul could tell they just wanted to be held, but he was stuck in place not being able to sooth them. Suddenly a far away voice broke through the screams and cries and he felt as if something was trying to shake him.

“Paul…”

“PAUL!”

Paul's eyes shot open, and he sucked in quick shallow breaths, his eyes wildly roaming around the room.

"What!?" Paul said in a laboured voice.

"You were 'aving a nightmare Paul.... You were cryin' in your sleep." John said in a soothing tone. Paul sighed and rolled over onto his stomach, burrowing his face into the pillow.

“Sorry for waking you.” Paul mumbled quietly into the pillow.

“You didn’t wake me Paul… Do you… Wanna talk about it or somethin’?” John asked awkwardly. He was quite unsure of how to deal with Paul when he was like this, Paul was generally quite a strong person who in moments of weakness tended to shut down and act as if nothing was happening, which was the exact opposite of John, who would lash out and let his emotions take over. John had never really experienced Paul in this state, but had been told by George and Mike that when Paul's Mother had died he showed very little emotion when in the company of anyone else, but Mike had also told him that at night he could sometimes hear quiet sobs coming from Paul's room.

“I’m fine John, it was just a dream.” Paul said in a stronger voice.

“It must ‘ave been bad though… You were cryin’ and you were stiff as a board mate, It was like holdin’ a statue in me arms.”

“Here I was thinkin’ you liked it when I was as stiff as a board.” Paul deadpanned, rolling over to look at John.

John realised there was no point in trying to force anything out of Paul, he obviously didn't want to talk about it, or maybe he didn’t trust John enough to talk about it John wondered. John shook off that thought, he hadn’t done anything to cause Paul to distrust him.

“Cheeky little shit you are Macca.” John said with a small, fond smile.  Paul smiled back at John, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Paul pushed his arms up and stretched his body like a cat, arching his back.