Take a sad song and make it better

Chapter Thirty-One

Typical.

It was all so fucking typical.

John didn't know why he ever got his hopes up about his life, why he ever thought that maybe all the bad luck he could receive had surely been dealt to him already.

He had never been so shaken to his core like this, maybe it was because he had been flying so high these last few months. Brian had been a god sent, getting them gig after gig that paid double - sometimes triple - than they did before and for the first time in all the Boy's lives, they had been able to live off the back of their music. Hell, Brian had even gotten them on the Telly! Sure it was just a little program, but it was more than any of the other groups had.

Things had been perfect really. John and Paul were happily living together in their tiny flat, but it was their tiny flat and it was fucking incredible.

And then we come to the second trip to Hamburg. Brian had guaranteed them almost luxury compared to their previous trip, actual hotel rooms, food, baths and showers! But John would give it all up to go back to that first trip, give up the comfy bed for that awful cement jail cell because at least Stuart was alive.

The day they stepped off the plane in Germany was like a punch in the gut, John was looking around for his dear friend when he saw Astrid, Stuarts Fiancee, standing in the arrivals area. 

Alone.

The sadness was palpable, her big blue eyes swimming with despair.

And those words!

"It's Stuart... I'm Afraid that... He D-died yesterday"

Soul crushing, it was all John could do to not fall down in a heap and weep. He watched as Paul hugged Astrid and George let tears run down his cheeks.

But John did nothing. Just stood and stared and thought about how completely TYPICAL this was. 

It was as if death followed him where ever he went.

Later that night, after drinking almost the entirety of Germany's beer supply, in the safety of Paul's arms did he finally let the tears escape his eyes. He felt Paul's hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, just like he did with Mary when she was upset.

Paul didn't feel that he was entitled to grieve Stuart's Death openly, that their last interaction - their vicious onstage fight - would be the interaction that everyone would base their relationship on. Not the time the sat on the floor of Paul's Father's house with little baby Mary for hours, no, no, they would always be defined as bitter rivals.

Paul was paranoid that people thought he might even be glad that Stuart had died, he definitely wasn't! But he had to remain strong for John, be the shoulder for him to lean on as John had been for him when Dot had passed away. That was how they functioned, each one holding the other up in their time of need.

John had a feeling that Paul was struggling too, but he was keeping himself together a lot better then John was currently. Paul and Stu's relationship had been tumultuous at best, but, that was all John's doing, he had turned them against each other... Maybe all this was a punishment for playing with people.

"It's not your fault Johnny, it's just... Life." Paul whispered, practically reading John's mind.

"But why does life always have to fuck me over like this... It's always me... Everyone always leaves me."

"They don't y'know, feels like that right now but..."

"You won't leave me, will you Paulie?" John asked quietly, a rare hint of vulnerability lacing his words.