Girl Gone Rogue (The Shadow Hunters #2)

43. Burn Baby, Burn.

Never in my life had I seen Alexei so lost.

He made my bed look infinitely smaller than it actually was, sitting on the edge, staring listlessly at his palms again. He held them up against his thighs, staring. Studying. Regretting.

"Alexei." I called his name for the third time.

I expected him to be despondent, but he suddenly reached out, grabbing the back of my thighs, and pulling me forward until his forehead hit the middle of my stomach. I took his weight, cupping his head against me a hush lingered between us.

Seconds passed until I felt something warm against my stomach.

A slight tremor shook his body as the warm spot grew bigger.

Tears.

"I already know what you think of me." His voice was a low husk.

I took one of his locks, twirling it around my finger. "I don't think you do." I said softly.

His hands twitched against my hips. "Those men you stumbled across while we were in the mountains, they had a right to fear me. I'm not a good person...at least I try not to be. You...I'm unworthy of you."

I released him.

He lifted his chin, until I had a clear view of his watery gaze. The rims of his eyes were pink and shiny with tear stains.

"Shut up." I whispered, shaking.

Remorse fell across his face. He glanced down at his hands but not before I caught a glimpse of the lone tear that fell and soaked the sleeve of his shirt. He hid his face from me, curling his arms around his head as his shoulders still shook from the weight of his emotions.

"You are not unworthy of me. You deserve all of me Alexei Vasiliev." I closed the distance between us. I gently pried his arms away and tilted his chin up until his pink-rimmed ones stared back up at me. "You don't decide whether you're unworthy of me. You could never be." I reassured him, brushing away the shiny tracks along his cheeks.

"Didn't you hear what that man said?"

"I heard everything."

"You should be disgusted."

"Why? That you protected your baby sisters? That you trekked down your parents to stop them from harming anyone else, even when it killed you inside? Am I supposed to be disgusted that you dedicated a portion of your life trying to keep your promise to your parents, even if it meant that you would take their last breath in the end and kill something inside you?"

"I didn't want you to hear any of that. I didn't want you to know what I did."

"I needed to hear that Alexei and the only emotion that overwhelms at this moment is adoration for the things you did. You're selfless, you know that?"

"I'm not." He rasped; his voice broken.

I gripped his chin, feeling it tremble beneath my touch. I felt something tight in my throat as I straddled his hips at the edge of the bed. He stilled. I watched his golden brown eyes dart from left to right, studying my expression.

"Do you really want to know what I think of you?" I asked softly.

Alexei didn't speak but I felt his hands span along my waist, holding me.

Judging from his expression, I knew he was bracing himself for the worst.

"I never understood why you hated me at first." I started.

He flinched. "-You know I never hated you."

"I know, once you confessed everything I was surprised. I didn't expect you to like me at all and I had thought that maybe it was because I was a Rogue-"