11 | Indecisive

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Content warnings; none, just a little Jean and (Y/N) moment :)



Morning finally approached and sleeping did my headache little to no justice at all. Not to mention, my chest was feeling extremely heavy—no matter how many times I had tossed and turned, that excruciating feeling just wouldn't go away.

Good thing I'm not going to school today.

Inevitable thoughts of that tempestuous argument with Eren last night didn't escape my mind either. My eyes shifted towards the floor and I saw my half-eaten sandwich I murdered with my fingers on accident, laying there all mushy-like.

I sighed and rubbed my head gently.

How bad did I get?

I didn't remember word for word what was said, besides me saying I hated him, which I do at the moment at the least—but I do remember him saying that I misunderstood him.

What does he mean I misunderstood him? I understand what kind of person he is clearly now.

My mind transposed back to the night of the banquet, when Armin said that he's been a ticking time bomb ever since something had happened to him. I wish I knew, although it's none of my business and I shouldn't be so nosy.

I also thought about what Historia said, when I was at her place.

"He's always been like that. He tends to push everyone away at times. Even Armin and Mikasa."

But what could've happened to him to where he had to push me away and start randomly hating me?

It felt like there was a weight placed on my chest and I had no clue why it hurts. It only started hurting after my arguing with Eren, but that couldn't have been the cause right?

Is it guilt? Is this what it feels like to be guilty?

But there's no reason for me to feel guilty? My arguing with him was very much justified.

I sighed. I got tired of arguing with my refuting thoughts, it was sooo damn annoying. This is surely going to make my head burst at this point.

I still had my uniform on. It smelled kinda funky from training outside all of the time, so I decided I should try and walk to the shower this time because there's no way in hell I'm crawling up the stairs.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel dizzy whenever I stood up and attempted to walk. Although, I still felt a tad bit lightheaded. I could not wait to get in the shower and take off this stinky tight uniform and these irritating bandages that made my head itch.

Staying at home made me realize how much I missed my friends—you know, the ones that actually care about me. I know it's only going to be a day without seeing them, but this day is going to feel like forever.

The bandages unraveled from my head, divulging a small, but prominent lump underneath my hair. My eye wasn't so swollen anymore, but it was still tinted heavily with a purplish color.

I turned on the shower and undressed. I hopped in and accidentally slipped, slightly hitting my head on the back of tub.

That hurt like a bitch! Jeez, you tryna give yourself another concussion?

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