Welcome To Jurassic Hell

Ch. 45: Useless

TW: Mental Breakdown, self-hatred, and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts

Read with caution ❤️

Ben and I walked on for a while, until he was sure we were safe from whatever it was that had shaken the shrubbery. With my help, he used the sticks, leaves, and a few vines to fix together a sturdy little sled that was now sitting on the ground. Ben finished tightening one of the stick planks in place, before wiping his hands with satisfaction.

I was growing more annoyed when I continued asking my brother for the source of his stress, and all he did was answer with a simple "no" or "nothing like that, I promise."

I was starting to really hate promises...

"Are you out of hand sanitizer?" I guessed, making him snort.

"You know me, Bee — I'm never out of sanitizer."

His snort brings a faint smile to my lips, lighting up the mood, even if it was only slightly.

"Well...are you concerned about carbon emissions? Cause God only knows how much of that Jurassic World has contributed to-"

"Nope."

"Um...autophobia?"

"What's that?"

"I...don't actually know."

"Well, then no."

"Are you feeling insecure about something? Like, your headband, maybe?"

"No." Ben muttered as he stood up, reaching into his pouch to pop a few berries into his mouth. He started walking away, towards Bumpy, and I followed briskly.

"Ben, just tell me what it is! I'm your sister, I'm allowed to know."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Maybe if you just told me what it was, I could help. There has to be some kind of fix; like Darius said, every problem has a fix."

Ben groans and stops, but doesn't turn to me.

"Well...your boyfriend's wrong, because this one doesn't."

The feeling of red heat peppering up my face at what he'd called Darius is something I can barely notice over the rapid beating of my heartbeat. I want to argue with him, tell him — with mild, or perhaps very great disappointment — that he wasn't my boyfriend.

But I wasn't stupid; my brother was trying to change the subject, get me to defend Darius and I's relationship. I wasn't going to fall for that trap!

"What do you mean? How do you know this one-"

"I don't want to leave Bumpy again, okay?"

I go silent, speechless, eyes wide as his tear filled ones turn to meet them. My chest goes hallow with the realization of what his anger and stress is over — he doesn't want to leave Bumpy, and I'm scared to think that not even I want to leave her behind.

But I can't focus on myself, aside from the fact that he was right. I couldn't help, there was no possible solution to this.

I, was once again, as always, useless. Utterly useless.

"Ben, I...I didn't even think about-"

Ben's frustrated, I can tell. He's so frustrated that he starts to visibly fill with red steam. He kicks a rock on the ground, halting my thought, and I listen to it skitter across the dirt like a small rodent on the run.

"I abandoned her once, and I am terrified that I'll hurt her again! But I can't just-just stay because...well, I can't!"

"You can't stay, Ben." I whisper. "But I'll be there to help you after we leave. Bumpy will be okay."