Jeon Jungkook is a loser - JJK ff

Chapter 23

"Here you go." He handed the glass of water and the pills over to me and I thanked him before I headed out.

As he closed the door shut behind me, I walked a couple mrters away before tears threatened to fall down my cheeks.

When I was far enough away, I stopped walking, leaned my body against the wall and just broke down.

I don't know why I cried, it felt wrong crying over my best friend's older brother but here I was.
Crying over a guy that barely knew I existed.

Honestly, the newfound feelings were still being sorted out but it still hurt.
I know it's selfish but I wanted to be the one to receive his kisses, his affection, his love, his everything.

I know it's just a stupid, silly crush but it felt so real and so pure like it was destined to happen.
Like we were destined to meet and be together.

I finally let the tears fall freely. I tried to stay quiet but it was way harder than expected.

I just wanted to be loved by someone...

Something I had never felt by a true lover.

My ex lover never loved me, even at our best.

I tried to wipe away the salty water but failed miserably when more just came out. "Oh God, why am I crying?" I asked myself, I was crying over a guy that I barely knew.

But somewhere inside of me, I was already aware of the fact I'd never be able to change him.

Jungkook was going to be the same old Jungkook he always had been.
The same Jungkook who took too many drugs, partied way too hard and fucked women left and right, up and down.

But I just wish I could change him.
But I couldn't change him unless he wanted to change, and besides, who was I to try and change a man that wasn't even mine to begin with.

And then it hit me like a tong of bricks, something that I'd have a hard time admitting to myself. No matter how much I would end up trying, Jungkook and I would never end up together and that just made me cry even harder.

When I felt that cried enough that night, I wiped my tears away and walked to a dresser with a mirror right above it.
I tried smiling but my puffy, red eyes ruined the image.

"Goddammit." I mumbled under my heavy breath, still not liking the way I looked after crying my eyes out.

I flattened out my pajamas shirt but I still felt disgusting and like a pig.
I spun around twice but I didn't even feel any better.

I sighed, tried smiling again but ultimately failed and decided it'd be better to give up so I walked back to the kitchen, drank the water and threw the pills out before walking up to Jennie's room.

But I couldn't fall asleep, nope, I had been awake for far too long to fall asleep now.

After an hour or two of still not being able to sleep, I got up again to go for a little walk, just a little one.

So I put on my jacket and shoes and headed outside to the massive patio laying behind the house.

Ah, fresh air. Is there anything than that? I don't know s-

I jumped when I noticed his gaze on me.
"Jungkook, what are you doing here?"
"I live here. Remember?"
"That's not what I meant. Out here for a smoke?" I asked him as I examined his handsome face.

His eyes, oh so beautiful his eyes.
The beauty of them were immaculate.
The deer-like eyes stared back at me as I looked into the deepness part of them.

"Uhmmm, You're staring." He snapped his fingers in front of my face and knocked me out of my trance.
"You were staring at me," He chuckled.
"But yeah, I'm just out here for a smoke.
You know, it helps me relax when I'm stressed."

That sparked some interest in me, what would he be stressed about?
"What are you stressed about?"
"It's- It's nothing really." He smiled with that stunning and charismatic, bunny-like smile.

"You know you can tell me."

"It's just my parents, they keep bothering about me about moving out and about getting married and kids. You know, the usual shit parents do."

Jennie only rarely talked about her parents and when she actually did, it typically wasn't the good kind of information.

It was usually about how they were always top busy and always out on business trips on Europe.
Or how they literally never were home, and when they were, it was literal hell.

So it shocked me to hear him talk about them.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be."

"It must be hard to have so popular and busy parents."

"I don't mind it, it just means that you won't have a strong relationship with your parents. I don't mind that." He took another puff.

I grew up with only my mom, I had never actually met my dad because he ran away when I was 2-3 years old, so it was just me and my mom but I didn't mind.
She raised me well, kind-hearted and strong. First when I was older, I learned to appreciate that effort she put into me and my childhood.

"That must be hard for you."

"I've learned to accept the terms I've been given." He chuckled.
"That's good to know."

"Want to go inside? It's kind of cold out here."

"Just let me finish my cigarette." He took one last puff before letting go of the cigarette and stepping.

"You do realize how dangerous smoking is and how serious it can get?"
"Thank you for caring about me. I appreciate your concern." He smiled and we parted ways.

As I layed down under the covers, I couldn't help but to smile. I really spent time with him and bonded.

Maybe there was a chance...

(Author note: So for those who are confused, the reason Y/N catches feelings so quickly for Jungkook is because the relationship she was in earlier wasn't healthy. It wasn't abusive or anything like that, just toxic. So Y/N isn't used to the kindness of others, so when Jungkook saves her she catches feelings. Basically Y/N craves affection and love, and she believes he saved her because he cares about her. Hope that explains why.)