𝐒𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥

𝟑𝟗. 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐧.

May
I looked up and smiled at my best friend from the clipboard of questions I had in front of me. They were all different from name, age,height, weight, and medical history. I still had no clue about what I was going to do right now, I had options and I wasn't going to rush into one without reading into it fully and understanding that that was what I wanted.

The only thing I currently felt right now was that something was growing inside of me, am I meant to have a bond with them because I don't know. If holding my stomach under my pyjamas when I was about to fall asleep meant that I had a bond or if I suddenly felt an urge of protectiveness meant that I had a bond, then I felt a stronger bond than anything in my life.

After finding out a few days ago Diana quickly scheduled an appointment with a midwife a few minutes away from my house. The only appointment that was soon was the 1st March so we took it, having to wait a whole week before I got answers to my questions.

"Nova Abbott" my name being called, brought me out of my trance, pulling my handbag off the floor and the clipboard secured tightly in my arm. I walked towards the woman with Diana behind me. "Hey, I'm Christine" she brought her French manicured hand out for me to take. The woman in front of me had a kind nature about her, she was comforting.

"Hi, sorry I'm a little nervous" I laughed, my hand resting on my flat stomach, once again protecting the baby in there. I handed Christine the clipboard.

"Your first pregnancy?" She asked, turning on her heel and walking towards a little side room. Her blond bouncy hair moved with each step she took.

"Yea" I nodded as she pulled open the door. It was nothing special, a large white bed in the middle with a bed roll going over it.A ultrasound machine next to it, one skinny chair, two normal chairs, a desk, a computer and a large telly facing the bed.

"Take a seat, love" she pointed to the chair next to the desk. I did as I was told and sat closest to her while Diana sat next to me, taking my hand in hers. "So, I know this is your first appointment. Have you decided if you are going to keep the baby, whoever rang me said that you didn't know yet" she spun around and faced me.

"I don't know what I want to do yet" I told her. "It's all just happened so fast"

"I'm gonna give you some leaflets with some information and numbers for your options, I'll put them there" she gathered a few off the table in front of her and passed them to me. "Can we do a scan just to check how far along you are?" I nodded.

She got up and turned on the machine, I pulled my jacket off my body and sat down., lifting the T-shirt up to show my stomach. Diana brought her chair over and placed it on the other side of the bed, once again grabbing my hand and smiling at me. Christine applied a cold gel to my stomach "sorry, I know it's cold"

She began spreading it around with the little white thing, the screen of the machine was facing away from me. I watched Christine as she smiled. "Do you wanna see your baby?" I nodded.

She moved the screen to face us now, tears sprung out my eyes while I watched the little tiny blob mixed with the sound of its heartbeat. I couldn't stop them, they just carried on getting heavier. It was all just getting so real, I didn't believe it until now.

"I'd say you were about six weeks two days right now, and the baby would be due 20th December. A little Christmas baby" she removed the machine after she got a clear picture "Do you want this printing out for you" she pointed to the screen, I smiled nodding in reply.

Christine walked out the room after pressing a few buttons, my eyes didn't leave the little dark patch on the screen. They were a part of me and Romero, a 50/50 mix between the both of us. Our little bean.

I wondered what they would be, a boy or a girl. Would they take after me or Romero, would she have the same attitude as her mother or would he be the replica of Romero. Would she have blue or brown eyes, would he have my little nose or Romero's structured one.

"How are you feeling?" Diana stood up and moved into my eyesight. She looked at the screen with a smile on her face.

"Good but Romero needs to know" I nodded "he deserves to know even if I keep them or not". I brought a tissue to my stomach and wiped away the access to the gel just as my midwife walked back into the room holding a little white card.

"There are your pictures and your leaflets" she grabs them off the desk and turns the machine off "I hope to see you again, miss Abbott" she left the room.

Gathering the rest of my things we left the room, stuffing the things in my bag and walking into reception. When we first arrived this morning no one was here but now it was filled with family's, mothers and fathers. Some holding a bump or a baby, I smiled at the thought of having my own little baby.

The cold air hit my face when we walked out the entrance and towards my car, neither of us spoke a word, only a look of reassurance when we slipped into the car. Starting the engine, I didn't pull away. I just sat there staring at the people coming in and out of the busy hospital.

Tears fell from my eyes as I thought about how complicated things had become, not just for me but everyone involved.