Captain Levi x Overwhelmed Reader

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I don't want to do this anymore. The killing. I know why I joined the scouts and I still stand for that, but something about it feels wrong. There's so much death around me and I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. Why does it have to be this way? Me and Levi's squad has been successful and I'm happy for us, but I don't know how much more I can take. I like leading the squad with him, but the responsibility of making sure the younger scouts don't die can be daunting. There's also the worry of Levi dying as well, but I don't want to think about that. I stare back at my reflection. A figure I hardly recognize stares back at me with dark eyes. I fix the stray strands of hair that cover my face. I bring my fingers to my skin under my left eye. A new scar will appear here. Stitches line under my eye and towards the top of my nose. I sigh trying to get out of my gloomy mood and walk out the door to the other scouts.
"Hey Y/n."
"Hey." Armin looks back at me with his sweet smile. This simple gesture raises my spirits just a little.
"Oh Captain is looking for you by the way. Something about your performance..."
"Thanks for letting me know. I'll see you later."
I drag my feet across the ground most likely resembling a zombie as I make my way to Levi's office. I knock on the tall dark oak door and wait for a response.
"Come in."
"Hey Captain," I say staring at the ground.
"Sit." I feel his eyes on me as I take my place on the chair in front of him. I finally look at him and am meet with a stern glare.
"Y/n, you've been particularly distant with the squad lately."
"Yeah. I'm just tired is all."
"Really?"
"Yes," I stare into his grey blue eyes that I have looked into so many times.
"Well get some extra rest then. The others have been talking to me about you. They're concerned."
"They have?"
"Yes, but the main point here is we need you back to normal okay? You're important to the squad. You know that. That's an order."
"Yes sir."
"That's all."
I stand and leave without a word. Everything I do feels so robotic. I don't feel real.

Eren is telling some story about his childhood and I stare off into space thinking about nothing. I haven't touched my food. The conversations in the dining hall make me sleepy.
"Y/n are you alive in there?"
"Obviously."
Sasha nudges me lightly and I give her a glance.
"Why do you look like that then?" Connie asks.
"Like what?"
"You look like you haven't slept in ages," Jean says.
"Yeah you look pretty horrib-" Eren starts to say, but Armin elbows him. Eren hisses and gives Armin a death glare, but it mostly just looks funny rather than scary.
I start to get frustrated now even among their childish banter than normally makes me laugh.
"Gee thanks Eren," I say while standing up planning to go back to my room. Sasha grabs my hand and say, "Y/n we're worried-"
"I said I'm fine!" I yell this now and snap my hand back away from her grasp. Everyone in the dining hall stares at me. I see Levi look back at me with a confused look. I turn away and walk out of the hall. I make it back to my room and sit down on my bed. I feel bad for getting mad at them, but I couldn't help it. Something just cracked, exploded, something like that...I don't know. There's a knock at the door. I don't respond. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I don't even know what I'd say. I feel really embarrassed now
"Y/n?" A familiar voice says.
It's Levi?
"Y/n can I come in?"
I sit there contemplating and then finally respond, "yeah"
The door creaks open and Levi stands there looking somewhat worried. He walks over to me and sits beside me. What is he even doing here? I don't say anything and neither does he. I'm secretly thankful he isn't trying to make me talk. Then out of nowhere he puts his arm around my shoulder real gently. I'm confused by his touch because he's never really touched me at all. I look over at him and then can't help but wrap my arms around his waist. He feels tense at first, but then he takes his other arm and places it around me pulling me close to his body. I feel everything I've kept inside come to the surface and then the tears come. My body shakes with each sob, but I try not to cry too loudly. Levi starts to rub his hands on my back comfortingly. We stay there in each other's arms. Eventually I'm calm and I loosen my grip on him. We still hold each other though. We're leaning against the wall and we must fall asleep at some point because when I wake up Levi is still there. His body is behind mine and his arm is around my waist. I make sure not to move so that I don't wake him up. I fall back asleep and we stay there for a long time. Today isn't an expedition day so we didn't have much planned. We won't be missing out on anything. I didn't realize until now how much I needed his comfort. It feels so nice to not sleep alone under cold sheets. The rise and fall of his chest calms me. I could stay here forever.

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