DLIBYH - i. matsukawa

43 - mattsun's letters

mattsun's letters and things that he wrote over the years !! hope u guys like them <3
the times that are on the titles on some of them are the time that he writes it down not when the actual event took place
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first year. april 2
there's a pretty girl in my class. i noticed her while makki was talking to me and he didn't seem to notice that i was only half paying attention. i wonder if i could ever get her attention and get the opportunity to be her friend. she seems like the person who would be friends with you even if she barely knows you. i want to be her friend.

first year. september 15.
i find myself actually looking forward for school just to talk to her before class. never thought that would ever happen. we're friends now and i was right about her becoming friends with people she barely knows. i was talking to her one day in the school yard when makki showed up and the two of them became friends. iwaizumi and oikawa apparently already knew her.

first year. december 12.
i wonder what she would do it i got her a christmas present. what if she doesn't like presents? what if she doesn't celebrate christmas? what would i do with the gift then? a "you don't celebrate christmas so here's a school break present!" that just sounds sad.

first year. december 13.
she got me a journal.

first year. december 14.
i gave her a collection of weird pens. car shaped, car shaped, one with a gold rose on the top. a few more. i hope she liked it.

first year. january 6.
she was using one of the pens in class. when i asked her how she liked them she smiled up and me and i promise to you my heart skipped a whole beat. she told me she loved them and gave one to her brother since he thought they were pretty cool. i don't think she noticed the blush on my face or the stupid smile i was trying to hide. i said "cool." and she turned back to the front of the room. god, i'm an idiot.

first year. january 12. 10:49 a.m.
i think i like her. like LIKE her, like her.

first year, january 12, 8:20 p.m.
fuck, i like her.

first year, february 8.
i wonder if she notices how much i get nervous around her. i sure hope not. just a simple touch of her fingers on my arm is enough for heat to climb up to my face and start getting red. it's so embarrassing. i feel like a seven year old kid.

first year. february 27, 4:31 p.m
she hugged me today.

first year, february 27, 6:01 p.m
that hug came out of nowhere too. i wonder if she felt how fast my heart was beating front where she was.

first year, february 27, 9:44 p.m
she hugged me because she said i looked upset over my math exam. WHICH I WAS. im sure i failed that exam so badly. i might have to make an escape plan when my mom finds out about it. maybe i can blame it on mai who was begging me to play tea party with her and all her dolls and stuffed animals. that sounds good enough. mom won't lecture me after i tell her what a good brother i am.

first year, march 2.
i got yelled at.

first year, march 3.
i got another hug because i told her about my mom yelling about me about my grade. now it didn't sound so bad anymore.

first year, march 16.
oikawa's wondering why i'm always around y/n. i didn't realize how much i was around her until then. i told him that i liked her and he turned his head to look at her from where she was talking to the teacher. he didn't look back at me for a while and told me "she's pretty. are you gonna ask her out?" truthfully, i was a little scared to. i kept thinking i would ruin our friendship or she would reject me and think i'm weird or just avoid me after that. i didn't want that, but then she returned to her desk and sent me a smile. my mind was already made up.