DLIBYH - i. matsukawa

50 - first year crush

your mother had filed for divorce.

that was why she asked you to come home for dinner. apparently, your dad not being at kentaro's graduation was the final straw for her.

you were sitting on your bed and thinking about that news when there was a tap on your window. you turned your head and saw mattsun's face there.

"hi." you pushed the window open and he hurriedly stepped inside your room. he took his shoes off and then shrugged his jacket off so there wouldn't be anything dirty trailing into your room after he somehow managed to climb up.

"hi." his arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you into a hug that made your feet lift off the floor. "i have something for you."

"really?"

he kept one arm around your waist and dug his hand into his back pocket to reveal an envelope. you reached for it and he lowered you back down to the floor before handing you the envelope.

"so these are the two missing parts of the letters." you grabbed your bag and pulled out the letters that were given to you during christmas.

"yup." mattsun leaned against the wall and watched as you retrieved the letters with the torn edges.

"are you gonna sit down?" you were sitting at the edge of your bed while he was still by the window.

"nope."

"why not?" you opened the envelope but didn't look at the pieces of paper inside of it.

"so i can have time to jump out the window after you read them." he answered and stuck his hands into his pockets.

you knew he wouldn't since he had taken off his shoes and jacket but you knew he was anxious for your reaction. that was why he had ripped these parts off in the first place.

"you're not jumping out the window." you scooted over on your bed to make more room for him. "come here." he hesitated for a second before moving forward and sitting next to you, still leaving space between.

"okay." he looked over at you when you moved over and closed the space between you two.

"you're being distant." you pointed out and stop about an inch away from his body. usually, he would have his arm slung over your shoulders or would have your legs on his lap.

"these letters.. i wrote them when you were with oikawa and i'm just worried. like, i know we're dating now but i don't know what you would think about me thinking this in third year. i thought i knew everything about you, but i don't and right now it's worrying the shit outta me." he waved his hand flimsily at the envelope.

"okay.. i'm not gonna be mad at you for something you wrote two years ago. you never acted on them when oikawa-" mattsun made a face at the name like he always did. "and i were dating so there's no reason for me to get mad."

"okay." he nodded to himself and needed to think about a few things before leaning over a little and pressing his lips to yours.

you tried to pull back to look at the letters but he held onto the side of your face and kept kissing you. "gotta make this kiss worth it just in case it's my last one." he teased and you pushed his face away.

"we're not breaking up. you're literally the one who told me that we're never even going to go on a break." you reminded him.

mattsun's hand lowered to your leg and started tapping his fingers against your thigh. he didn't say anything else and just watched your face for your reaction while you reread one of the letters.

second year. june 26, 5:10 p.m
i saw them at the store today.

second year, june 26, 11:11 p.m
they said "i love you" to each other. i left after that. i didn't expect it to hurt so much. i also didn't expect myself wishing i was the one to say i love you to her. how could i be so deep in my feelings with her when all she did was talk and smile to me during class? i was just a classmate and oikawa's teammate in her eyes. i wish i didn't like her as much as i do. anyone else, any other girl that i could actually have a chance with would've been fine. but i had to fall for the one who i couldn't have.