Hinata's broken mask

Chapter 3

*POV Hinata*

I was actually on my way to training but Daichi told me to go home , so I had to go. So now I was going to the city. I definitely didn't want to go home. He was waiting there for me, to hit me again and also... also rape me. Only by thinking about it I felt so sick that I threw up in the bush next to me. Then I could feel a hand on my shoulder and shrug.

"Damn you're really not feeling good. Go home and rest, tomorrow you will feel better." Now I recognized the voice and turned around to Noya. I smiled at him for a moment and then nodded. Then I continued walking to the city and Noya went to the training. I was some time in the city and bought makeup and in the evening I went home, when training would normally end.

TW

As I arrived there my dad "greeted" me. He hit me multiple times. Because he somehow liked it, he again raped me. But that wasn't enough. I lied on the floor again, like yesterday, I couldn't move. He took that advantage and went to the kitchen. I expected the worst.

And exactly that happened, because soon he came back with a knife. He put it to my stomach and because of the cold I shrug. But just a moment later the hot blood went down my cold skin. One cut, then another and another. He didn't stop until he noticed that I wasn't there again.

TW end

A little later I woke up and took all my strength together to get up. He probably heard me because he yelled out of the living room "clean that up!". I did as he told me and then went to my room, where I again broke down. I was so afraid, afraid that this would continue forever now and he would kill me someday. But then I had the thought, dying wouldn't be that bad. I was shaking. I was so shocked from my own thoughts. I never would have guessed to ever think that way. I got ready for bed and then lied down.

I stared at the ceiling. It was just grey and a little ago I hated it. I always thought the room was so lifeless. The grey color, just a few things and not many pictures. I hated it and wanted to give this room some life as soon as possible. But now? Now Im exactly like my room boring, without color, lifeless.

I felt so lonely, helpless and worthless. I felt how I fell down a deep hole. A deep black hole, with a tiny hole so high. But I couldn't reach it. I saw the exit right in front of me but I just couldn't reach it. It was so hard. I had no motivation. Maybe death was actually the solution, like everyone says. I was thinking about this the whole night. I was laying there in silence and stared at that damn ceiling the whole time.

When I heard my alarm I knew it was time to get up. I started getting ready. Then I looked to the mirror again. And again I stood there in complete shock. I looked horrible. I couldn't go to school like this, Daichi would send me home again. Then I remembered the makeup I bought yesterday. I used it carefully and made sure it was not noticeable. Then I got on my way to school. Again I walked instead on taking my bike.

At the sports hall I met Daichi, who smiled happy.

"You are already feeling better? That's great but you could have took some more time out."

I smile back and said that it wasn't necessary because I was already perfectly fine again. On this day I tried even harder to seem happy. And I think they believed me. After training I had to go to school, I again didn't eat anything. After school again training and I really tried hard to not let anyone notice. When I went home all the bullshit started over again. Again first hitting until I lied on the floor, then he raped me and at last he cutted me until I fainted.

It was incredible how fast I got used to it. For me it was now normal getting abused and then hating myself. In school I was wearing makeup so the others wouldn't notice. I also just played a role with them. I hid behind a mask, that didn't let any emotions get to me. So I didnt bother the others with my problems. Otherwise they would also leave me, like my mother.

She didn't want me anymore. Of course the reason for her leaving was obviously my father but she left me. With him! That could only mean that she didnt love me, or she would have taken me with her. In her opinion I probably deserved my father and everything he did to me. But I couldn't blame her for it, I mean she was right. I deserved it. And she took Natsu with her and Safed her. I only hated myself. I deserved death.