Hinata's broken mask

Chapter 11

*POV Kageyama*

I was awake the whole night. Hinata felt so bad, I could never imagine. He started shaking and screaming over and over again. He cried the whole night.

I was very worried about him. I wanted to keep an eye on him and not look away for even a second. I was so scared for him. All of this was so serious, now I understood Sugawaras worries.

Did Sugawara know what was wrong? But even if not, I think he saw Hinata changing. He must have seen his bruises. And then he yelled. Yea that could fit. But that at least explains why I shouldnt ask questions.

I thought about what he dreamt. It seems like he experienced something horrible and now got a trauma from it. Poor Hinata. He also always screamed "STOP" "STOP IT" and "LET ME GO".

Did someone abuse him? But I didn't had time to think because he started shaking again. I started petting his head but it didnt work. Now he also started screaming and I woke him up. Then I calmed him down until he fell asleep again.

I experienced this so often this night. For Hinata it was not like it was for me that time I couldn't sleep. I had nightmares too. They usually were about everyone leaving me and bully me. I was so afraid of all this. I couldn't sleep back then too, I was afraid to fall asleep. I couldn't concentrate in school and got worse in volleyball. I covered this with just more training and yelled at the others to play better. The others only noticed the yelling. The nightmares stopped when I transferred to Karasuno and found friends here.

Especially Hinata was important to me. He always smiled and when he was sad sometimes he could express that by playing volleyball. Then he practiced until he either was exhausted or Daichi kicked us out because he didnt want us to overdo it.

Hinata was the only one that shared my passion. Of course the others loved volleyball too but this was something different. Only with Hinata I was sure that in volleyball we were one. I felt like I could completely understand him when we played. I knew exactly how he felt.

And outside of the court we always provoked each other so we got better results. We competed so much that everyone thought we didn't like each other.

I can only speak for myself, but I always liked him. Every time I was in a bad mood he managed to find a way to cheer me up, even tho he was always very annoying then. And when he was in a bad mood I could cheer him up.

I think I was at least as annoying as him about that. I felt so connected to Hinata, as if he was perfect for me. I wanted to have him for myself, tell everyone he was mine and hug and cuddle him forever.

I got what that meant just some time ago. I wasn't that good in feelings. Well of course I was still better than Tsukishima but I also couldn't really do anything with that.

Some time Sugawara asked me about my feelings towards Hinata and i didn't understood what he meant. He laughed then and explained to me

S: "If you look into someone's eyes and see your future inside, if you can't think of a more comfortable and safe place other than inside the arms of that person, if you call that place your home, if your heart pounds when you see that person and hurts if they leave, if you have to think about them the whole time, if you smile at every message from them and your skin burns at every touch. That is love. Don't you understand your own feelings?"

Then I thought about it for some time and noticed that everything Sugawara told me about love worked. Then I suddenly realized I fell in love with Hinata.

It just continued like that the entire time, I took care of Hinata while he was asleep and thought about him at the same time. At some point it got light outside and I decided to wake Hinata up without him start shaking first.

His face was swollen from crying and he looked pretty confused for a moment. I thought it was really cute. After he noticed how we were laying here he turned red and so did I. I stood up and stuttered a little

K: "I... I am making breakfast okay?"

Hinata just nodded. I noticed how he didn't say a word since yesterday. Some times he looked like he tired but didn't make a sound. Only when he slept, he screamed.

I went downstairs to make breakfast, hoping he would eat something today. But that effort was a waste, because he only ate like 3 bites before he run to the toilet to throw up. I wanted to help him, but i couldnt, i didn't know how. The only thing I could do was calming him down and drawing circles on his back with my fingers.

After a while he felt a lot better so I decided to get some clothes and school stuff from home so I could spend the next night at Hinata's place again. He nodded agreeingly and I got on my way. As soon as I was outside i called Sugawara to ask for advice but also to talk to someone.

S: "Hey Kageyama, what's up? Did you go to Hinata yesterday? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?"

K: "Hey, yea I went to him. And no and yes to what happened."

S: "Okay. Just tell me what happened."

K: "So when I arrived no one opened the door, so I used the second key. Then i saw him sitting shaking and crying on the floor and he was completely absent. I then hit him so he looked at me and started crying even more. I then calmed him down and noticed how thin he was so I got us food but after 2 bites he ran to the toilet and threw up. I was so useless there, I didn't know what to do."

S: "Its okay. I don't think you were useless, Im sure you helped him a lot. What happened next?"

K: "Well after he calmed down I decided to spend the night and because he took so long in the bathroom I asked what was wrong and since he didn't answer i came inside and saw all of his bruises. Then he went to bed and wanted me to stay so I lied down next to him and he had a nightmare and started shaking and screaming. I did wake him up and calmed him down but after he fell asleep again he got another nightmare, so the same happened. He had nightmares the whole night and I had to wake him and calm him again and again. But except for the screaming in his sleep he didn't say a word since yesterday. He tried but no sound left his mouth."

S: "Yea it was the same on Friday. Hmm. Then we have to make him be able to speak again. I will talk to Daichi. Did anything else happen?"
K: "Well only that it was the same with the eating this morning. I decided to stay this night again, see you tomorrow."

S: "Yea I'll try to figure out how we can help him. See you."

After the talk I felt a lot better. I arrived at my home, packed my things and told my mom I would be away this night again. Then I got on my way back.