Hinata's broken mask

Chapter 22

*POV Hinata*

Another day over at the training camp. We all took a shower and then went to bed. So after I was done I lied down next to Kageyama and hugged him. I kissed his cheek while he gently patted my back. This sensation let me relax and I fell asleep at some point.

As time has passed I was able to sleep a little better. Ever since I started dating Kageyama I haven't taken any sleeping pills. I still dreamt about the memory I have thanks to my father but at least I stopped screaming. Of course I still wasn't able to sleep through the night but not Kageyama woke me up but I woke up on my own.

I looked up to Kageyama, who was deep asleep. I started smiling. I tried falling back asleep but I didn't succeed, so I just stared at the love of my life.

When I dared to look at the clock it showed the time 6:48 am. So I decided to get up. I actually had the feeling of hunger right now. It was really weak and rather the form of missing sickness, but at least something. But of course I didn't eat anything since I promised Tanaka and Noya to not eat without them. Obviously they put emphasis on the fact I could call them at any time and even wake them up.

I thought about waking either of them up while wandering through the hallway. Without any destiny I wandered around until I bumped into someone. When I looked up I could picture Kenma who again was only focusing on his game and therefore not paying attention to his surroundings.

He asked what I was doing there this early and I described my case. He then suggested to go to the city together, since some shops were open already. I agreed so we got on our way.

TW

As we entered one of the shops I got the urgent need to hurt myself. I looked around for things to help me do it and a lighter caught my eyes. It was a cheap looking orange piece of plastic.

I thought about how it would feel on my skin. I wanted this. I wanted it right now so bad. But sadly I was no adult, so I could immediately forget about buying it. Then I remembered Kenma was already 18.

Of course I was embarrassed to ask him to buy the lighter, especially since I didn't want to tell him the real reason. So I quickly thought about and excuse.

H: "Hey Kenma uhh... could you buy this for me please...? I am not an adult yet so I can't buy it myself, but I promise to pay you back."

K: "Hmmmm. Why do you need it?"

H: "Well I uhm... Just for nothing I guess... But don't worry I'm not smoking or anything!"

K: "Okay if you say so. But please let me know if something is wrong. If don't feel good or you just need someone to talk to."

He paid for it and we left the store. He gave it to me outside and we got on the way back to the gym. At some point I told him to go ahead of me because I wanted to go on a walk alone for some more time. As I couldn't see him anymore I pulled my sleeve up and put the lighter on my left wrist.

It hurt. This pain was beautiful. I could forget about everything around me again. Just having an empty head for a moment, without thoughts, without feelings. My act left evidence in form of red spots. I covered my wrist again by pulling my sleeve back down and put the lighter back into my pocket.

TW End

As I got back Kageyama already waited for me. He had to have woken up and then got worried because I wasn't there. Now I was feeling bad to not leave a message or take my phone with me. He looked visibly relieved as he saw me and my heart melted at this view. Gosh he was cute!