Hinata's broken mask

Chapter 4

*POV Sugawara*

It was Friday morning. I walked my usual way to school. The morning practice would start soon but I didn't think about that right now. I thought about the team. About Daichi with his beautiful brown eyes. He was so beautiful, because he always took care of everyone. Then I thought about the others, they all became so much better in training. For example Noya could now set the ball too.

When he first tried it I got scared not to be important anymore. I was afraid to not be able to catch up. The others got so much better and now we had another person that could take my place. I was just afraid he would be better than me. But no one noticed. Only Daichi was there, we knew each other for a while now and got along perfect. He also motivated me in that time, so I was ready to try something new.

Also Kageyama and Hinata got a lot better. Kageyama could set way more precise and Hinata could fight in the air now. But there was something that made me worry. Hinata got a lot worse since this week. He was so sick on Monday and still came to practice. Only that made me worry already. But on the next day he looked a lot better . He smiled more and wasn't that tired anymore. Actually like normally. His behavior didn't change. But still it seemed like he was kinda absent. Like something depressed him and he was hiding behind practice. I was worried about him.

I thought of the team as some kind of family. I felt good with them and could be myself. Of course I also had bad times where the other players took my confidence, not intentionally, but because they all got better I couldn't catch up. After training i sat crying in my room and didn't meet up with anyone anymore. But then Daichi came and got me out of this hard phase. Everyone has bad days and wants to give up, but Daichi convinced me to keep going.

He once wanted to bring me my book that I forgot at his place. After he came to my room and saw me that helpless he didn't flinch and hugged me. Only that gave me so much strength, because I felt safe with him. He cheered me up. When I wanted to continue with my own strength he was still there for me when I needed someone to talk to.

I really like Daichi. More than just a friend. But I had to forget about that because I didn't wanted to ruin our friendship. Also it was our last year here and we both wanted to go to university. We wouldn't work.

But not only Daichi got important to me, everyone in the team did. I think the word family would fit. Sometimes I felt like the mother of the team. Daichi was the dad of course and the troublesome others are comparable to children. A strange family, but I liked it. The thought made me smile a little.

I was already at the clubroom and went inside. Hinata was already inside. He was already in his sport clothes but still sat there and stared into nothing. I thought he didn't notice me because when I went towards him and talked to him he flinched. He was like in trance. He looked at me and smiled his big smile again. But I somehow didn't believe him. He looked like usually, smiled the same, but he still somehow looked different. I talked to him about it.

S: "Hey Hinata, are you okay?" and he nearly yelled at me

H: "Yes! Everything is good, I'm perfect and I'm completely okay!"

After that he went to the hall and left me questioning here. So I changed and followed him to the hall.

*POV Hinata*

Damn that was close. I didn't even notice Sugawara, so he completely shocked me. I hoped he didn't notice anything. While I was walking to the hall I was thinking.

A week passed since my father started abusing me. I felt like I was getting stuck in a hole and I couldn't find the exit. I felt so lonely, helpless, worthless. I started hating myself.

How could someone as tall as me even think about becoming the ace of the team. But not only my height was the problem. As Kageyama often told me, I was useless. Im not good at recieving or blocking even tho that was litterally my position. I couldn't even play anything with other setters.

Without Kageyama I was nothing. Without him my dream of becoming the little giant wasn't even close to reality. Yea I might be able to jump high and ran fast, but nothing more. Only that was not enough. If I get blocked I am completely useless. And I get blocked more often, the enemies could handle it now. I thought I was just awful. How could the others even get along with me. Especially Kageyama was annoyed by me.

Kageyama... he was so cool, how he could set the ball that exact into my hands. I was nothing without him. I thought he was really admirable. He was good before too, but since he came to Karasuno he got a lot better. I could impossibly catch up. It was only a matter of time until they would exchange me with someone else.

Then my life would loose its last meaning. I couldn't live without volleyball. If I lost my place I would end it all. If I won't do it before. I didn't know why, but somehow I wanted to keep living, I wanted to stay by Kageyamas side and fight on his side. I wanted to be in his arms...I know it probably sounds weird, but I was dreaming about someday belonging to him. I just sadly knew exactly, that my dreams would stay dreams and never come true, because Kageyama didnt see the same in of me. I didn't even know if he liked girls or boys, so I shouldn't hope to much.