WE WEREN'T SAYING

Kabanata 27

Savior

Napapikit ako sa malakas na hampas ng hangin saaking mukha.

Patuloy akong naglalakad sa bukid habang binabati ang ilang kakilala sa lugar.

I noticed how some of them stopped on their work as they greeted me so I have no choice but to greet them back.

Tahimik akong naglakad hanggang sa makarating sa maliit na bahay na matatawag ko ng tahanan ngayon. It isn't fancy. It is the complete opposite of the condo and house that I have been staying in since then but somehow, it is inviting... warm... and carefree. It just feels different. I didn't know that I will experience all of these in this lifetime.

Nang makapasok ako sa loob ng bahay, napailing nalang ako sa gulo nito kaya nama'y mabilis kong inayos ang mga nakakalat na gamit dahil pinangako ko sa aking sarili na magbabago na ako. Hindi man buong-buo pero may pagbabago pa ring mapapansin.

Matapos kong maayos ang mga gamit at maibalik ang mga iyon sa kanya-kanyang pinanggalingan nila, tinungo ko ang lamesang gawa sa pinagtagpi-tagping bamboo at iba pang mga hinging materyales.

My lips form into a thin line when I saw the paper I have retrieved on the back of the wall clock in my bedroom.

I cannot think of any other reason for burning the whole Flores' residence aside from this. I do not think that this is not the truth that I have always pondered upon na hindi ko magawang hanapan ng ebidensya dahil natatakot akong malaman ang totoo.

If I was brave enough, I think I will find the truth sooner.

Muli kong binasa ang mga dokumentong paulit-ulit ko ng nakita. Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses ko ng nabasa ito dahil pakiramdam ko'y kabisado ko na ang laman nito pero hindi ko mapigilang paulit-ulit itong tignan.

Pinasadahan ko ng aking kamay ang mga papeles na isa lang sa mga nadala ko rito.

After reading these, I realized that I never knew my mother's family. Matapos kong mabasa ito, doon ko lang naintindihan ang mga desisyon ni Mama. The reason why, despite how wrongful it was to stay with my father's family, she endured it all. It wasn't to get Papa's attention. It wasn't because she loves him more than anything in this world that she chose to sacrifice her dignity and pride. She just needed to stay there. She chose to stay there for our protection. She needed Flores' name and influence to protect me as I grow up.

Muli kong tinignan ang last will and testament na nakapangalan kay Mama. The first one was from my grandfather, Laredo Narvaez, stating that all the assets of the Narvaez family will be entitled under my Mama's name. The second one was from my grandmother, Zoraida D. Narvaez, declaring that every fortune of the De La Fuente family will be given to my mother.

I don't think Mama told me about her parents or maybe... she did when I was young, but I cannot seem to remember it.

Sa iba't ibang lugar na napuntahan ko matapos ang ilang buwang palipat-lipat dahil natatakot akong balikan ng taong nagtangkang bumawi ng buhay ko, I have learned that the marriage of my grandparents was feared by every known family in Cebu. Both families are included in the top pyramid of the city's infamous heirarchy. As much as people wanted to take them down, hirap silang gawin dahil sa higpit ng security ng mga ito. Hindi lang ni Lolo at Lola kungdi ang mga anak nila. Iyon lang ang narinig kong maganda mula sa ibang taong nakarinig ng balita tungkol sa mga Narvaez.

When I was moving from place to place, hindi ko mapigilang maisip kung gaano kaingay ang mga pangalan ng mga magulang ni Mama. Naisip ko rin kung bakit... tikom din sila sa pagbibigay ng detalye not until I found the courage to read the case report of the death of my grandparents.