TBATE | GREY x CAERA - A Fanfiction

Chapter 16

"It's your turn now." Caera's voice suddenly spoke as I turned my gaze back to her. "Mmm what?" I asked in a muffle, while I was in the middle of eating. She chuckled, before responding. "Like we agreed, I told you what my adoptive parents said. In return, I want to know something about you. Anything about your past." She said as she moved a plate filled with colourful food that looked eye-catching and...weirdly...triggered all of my senses, causing my head to spiral rapidly.

Snapping out of my daze, I shifted my gaze back to her. "You're very clever" I said deadpan, while she looked at me innocently, with a smile. Letting out a sigh, I continued. "Firstly, you never told me about what your adoptive parents said, it was me who figured it out; secondly, I never agreed to tell you about my past."

Caera's face fell at my words, her previous warm smile, now a distant past. "B-But...I thought..." she trailed off, unable to comprehend what I just told her.

It truly hurt me to see her like this. I have come to treat her as a friend—a true friend. And to see her painful expressions, it didn't feel good. And to think that I was the cause of it...I never wanted that. But it just would complicate things, I was sure of that. 

Sighing, I spoke my piece.

"I trust you, Caera. I really do. More than I would ever accept to myself. But...the secrets...my past, they carry a weight that goes beyond the two of us. If I tell you now and it gets used against me...I wouldn't be the only one getting affected by it. You may not believe me when I say this...knowing my secrets would put you in danger; your blood in danger; danger, that you couldn't comprehend right now. Are you okay with that? Are you up for it?"

Caera's face had studied mine intently as I spoke out my thoughts; a myriad of emotions passed through hers, almost matching mine. It also reminded me of the hardships that she had faced all her life; while I may not want to compare our lives now, I couldn't dismiss the thought that once, I had done exactly that.

How Caera's life felt similar to mine. I retrospected.

It's unfair for both of us to think that way. But that doesn't mean that I could just dismiss hers so casually; especially after all the help and care she has given me. 

I reached out to her hand and—grabbed it, surprising her. Yet she didn't resist or let go even.

With a gentle squeeze to reassure her, I spoke with a final determination. "If I actually didn't care about you, I would tell you all my secrets; the ones that might satiate your curiosity—and will also  lead to your death. But...I feel otherwise. I'll tell you this."—our eyes were locked in an intense stare, that seemed to do things inside me; while her hands squeezed back with the same gentle pressure as mine—"You've told me about your life before. Is it okay if I say...it made me feel that our lives; yours and mine...were similar, and comparable to an extent, as lots of things that I saw in you, reflected...reminded me of my—old—self" I stopped myself from saying 'old life', although I felt a subtle urge to do so.

Wouldn't she understand? I thought questioningly as my heartbeat rose up in anticipation. 

She will possibly understand me.

It felt like a drug, but I knew its aftereffects better.

I shook my head to stop the alluring thoughts, that made me want to tap out and let it all out. Dammit! I thought again in frustration at my coiling mind. I'm sick of keeping secrets!

"It's okay, I understand." She softly spoke, dragging me out my mental delusion. I felt her thumb caressing my hand softly, as my heartbeat slowly synced with her stroke. It felt like the silent peace, after a stormy night. I gasped inwardly at my own self. What's gotten into me? I thought. Am I that desperate? I didn't know.