Without Him

XVII

I wonder what made Athena so mad that she snapped at me?

I left her house to let her cool down so we can talk about this later.

In the meantime I go to my cousins bar to just check in with him.

As I get out of my car I always enter towards the back. I walk in and is greeted by my level headed cousin.

"Hey man." I go in for a hug. We get to talking a little bit but I stand up saying I was going to the mens room.

I walk over to the other side close by the restroom but what caught my eye was Athena all over another guy that wasn't me.

As I watch them just kissing, my heart starts breaking into millions of pieces.

I feel so betrayed, heartbroken. Fuck I was even in love with her and that's what hurts the most.

What did I do to deserve this!

I'm in a trance that I don't see Athena until she appears in front of me.

"Kyle I'm-" I cut her off not wanting to hear her bullshit. I shake my head and back away, "Save it." I tell her harshly and get the hell out the bar.

I can't let people see I'm weak by crying but fuck! I get in my car and speed off. I make a call to my private pilot and have him get the jet ready so I can get the hell out of here. I need to sort out everything and how I'm going to deal with this situation.
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After I see Kyle leave in his car, I broke down crying. This could be the end because of me.

It's always my fault!

Just like that day!

NO! I need to talk to him. I need us to be okay, but I'm going to let him cool off.

I dial someone I know I can count on.

"Athena hey." Tori answered the phone cheerfully.

At that moment I break down and cry. "What's wrong!"

"I went to the b-bar and kissed some random guy and Kyle saw it. He left without me explaining."

She sighs, "Athena..."

"Can you please save me the lecture right now and come pick me up, I don't feel like driving then you can yell at me all you want."

"Fine I'll be there in 10." After that she hangs up.

I wonder how my life got like this, why it's so chaotic?

I'm pretty sure Kyle never wants to speak to me again but do I blame him, I snapped at him for worrying about me and cheated on him with some random strangers because I couldn't handle my feelings anymore. I've made a huge mistake and I hate it because there's possibly no going back and that's what hurts the most.

Tori finally comes and picks me up, she can yell at me all she wants but I just to get out of here.

How did things get so fucked up?

I arrive back home just staring into space, Kyle probably already left since he doesn't have a reason to stay anymore.

Yea because you fucked him over.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry but I was numb, numb that he was gone out my life forever.

"What the hell was you thinking Athena Desire? For god's sake you have been talking about this man for a while and he comes to stay with you for a week and you go to some bar and kiss on a random dude. Was you even thinking." I broke out of my trance as my best friend yells at me for being so reckless.

I try to open my mouth to speak but I get cut off.

"You were so excited when he came to Atlanta even when you left without giving him the time of day to explain. So you think it's beyond okay for you to love him but go kiss on a random guy when you knew all Kyle wanted to do was be by your side just like you. How fucking stupid can you be?"

Her speech made me cry, the shit I pulled was stupid. Why couldn't I just face my feelings for him without doing this. He saw me kiss someone that wasn't him and he's likely not wanting to talk to me anymore which I don't blame him.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I just thought about my feelings for him and that I'm actually in love with him. I just couldn't tell him so I ran from my feelings which ended up badly." I finally said after giving everything some thought.

"Really you ran from your feelings. Athena I have never seen you do this. What's different about him? I love you Athena, but the shit you pulled probably cost you whatever was going on with you and Kyle. Plus you was so happy when he was around. I've never saw you like this since... Justin."

I shake my head, "Tori please..." My voice on the verge of breaking with just the name.

"No babe, you need to hear that, you shut down when people say his name. Kyle Isn't like him, he cares for you. Kyle was doing everything in his power to make you happy. I saw it in his eyes. I don't know what to tell you to fix this."

Tori's right and I know it. I'm too stubborn to see it. Kyle was in love with me and I made the biggest mistake by kissing some random guy when I knew I only wanted Kyle.

"What should I do?" I question sinking back into the couch as I think about my life choices.

"I don't know babe, this is all on you but I do know you have to explain your feelings to him and maybe open up your past to him." I think back to what she says and Tori is right. I know she is.

She tells me she has to leave and I think to everything that had happened between me and Kyle.

"What will happen if I kissed you right now"

The feeling to this day brings me butterflies. The way he can just make me nervous without touching me all he has to do is look at me and I'm weak in the knees.

I smile remembering the times we've had sex, passionate kisses and just him being a sweet gentleman.

I grab my phone and try to call him all it does is go to voicemail.

I know what I have to do now and right in this situation it could be the difference between love or lost. Let's hope it's not lost.