Without Him

XX

I've never been so nervous before and it's all because Kyle told me he landed and is headed over here once he gets situated.

I'm nervous about everything and how this will play out.

I'm knocked out of my thoughts when I hear a knock on the door.

You got this Athena!

Right?

I open and stare in awe at Kyle, his freshly shaved face, how he's just wearing sweats and a black shirt. His watch on his arm and a gold chain dangling.

He looks hot, also his tattoos are all on display. I snap out of it when he clears his throat.

I blush sheepishly and move to the side to let him in. I close the door behind him, he takes a seat on the couch and looks up at me.

Fuck he looks so good.

"Athena!" He says.

I look up at him.

"Sorry." I say as I take a seat next to him.

"Would you like anything to drink or-

"Athena." I look up at him as he smile. "Stop rambling. You're scared to have this conversation aren't you?" He questions.

I nod my head yes. I'm scared cause the outcome of this is likely gonna be bad.

"Okay, let's take this one step at a time. Firstly tell me why you immediately got mad and snapped at me?"

"In that moment I knew my true genuine feelings for you and that was me being in love with you. I haven't been in love with anyone since... let's just say my last relationship and that turned out horrible. So when I realized that I was in love with you my brain was in fight or flight mode." I looked down at my hands, the last person I've ever loved left me and it did real damage to me.

"Can I ask you a question?" Kyle asked me. I found myself slowly nodding my head. "Why did you kiss the guy after we basically defined our relationship. You could've talked to me, I would've understood. It hurt me badly to see that happening. You kissing a guy that's not me it hurt Athena."

I look down feeling tears at the brim of my eyes. "I'm sorry Kyle... I really am, I don't know what I was thinking. Everything got to me and I felt trapped with my emotions and feelings so I just shut down. I know that doesn't explain why I did exactly what I did but the fact that I hurt you is killing me. Not talking to you for weeks was killing me." Tears start to fall and I see a soft expression fill Kyle's face.

"It's going to take some time for me to gain your trust again but also I want to know about your past relationship, if your ready to tell me. I want to know all about you and you can know all of me too."

I nod, I think I'm ready to tell him what happened and everything. Also why I shut down my feelings so fast. It's the least I can do for real.

I take a deep breath and prepare for this, "Well when I was in high school I met this guy... Justin, he was the captain of the football team and a good quarterback. One day we started talking as friends but it progressed into more. We started dating our junior year. Everything was great, he treated me like someone worthy of love. He was perfect in my eyes but something about him was off."

"What do you mean by off?" Kyle questions while cuddling up against me.

"He started drinking, he never did before. When we would hang out he would either be drunk or high out his mind and I brushed it off because of the love I had for him. One day we was hanging out in his room, he was drunk like none other." I laughed humorously.

"He wanted to have sex with me and he knew I wasn't ready, but he insisted saying I would like it and blah blah, so eventually I gave in. I hated it, never said anything. He used me and I felt dirty. Later senior year I found out he was cheating on me with one of my closest friends for about a year. He never loved me and he used me. So that's why I'm scared to open up to someone again and why I have trust issues." I concluded with tears falling down my eyes. I couldn't bare looking at him so I shifted my eyes to my hands. I didn't want him to see me being desperate or whatever.

"Baby," He sighs and I look up at him a soft expression on his face.

"I will never do that to you, I'm so in love with you and I couldn't bare myself to do some fucked up shit like that. I love everything about you inside and out. I hate that someone used you like that." I nodded my head and he kisses my forehead.

"So what happens now?" I question looking up at him wondering where we go from here.

"Now we find a movie and snacks, cuddle each other. Then we can tackle tomorrow, just let me hold you for now. Also I will tell you more about myself as well. I will always love you Athena despite the shit that is happening. I just needed some time to myself and process everything."

"And I was kinda avoiding you because I didn't want to face this situation at the time. But I realized I was stupid for doing that, I shouldn't have kept you in the dark all that time and I'm sorry." He apologizes to me and I stare in awe. He's apologizing to me.

"It's fine and I'm sorry also for everything." He stares at me and leans in for a kiss.

It's one filled with love and passion, it's slow and sensational, lust filled but more love.

Our kissing is in sync with one another and he inserted his tongue, our tongues dance together, our breathing increases. He pulls away for air but not before he sucks on my bottom lip a little earning a quiet moan for me.

He smirks at me and pulls me closer as we put on a movie at watch it.

My thoughts turn back to everything happening tomorrow, and I haven't talked about Justin in years and talking about it brings up memories.

"Are you okay?" He looks down at me.

I nod my head and genuinely show a smile. "I'm perfect!" And I absolutely mean that. "I love you Kyle."

He smiles, "I love you too Athena."