The past couple of weeks have been super rough. The anniversary of my moms death is coming up.
She passed on March Sixteenth and it's the fourteenth now. I don't mean to, but I've been shutting everyone out.
Tyler and Avery totally understand why. I've just been spending a lot of time at the studio.
Colby's been busy editing so I haven't really seen him much. I do miss him, it's just a hard time for me.
Since I'll be at a competition for the actual date, I was on the way to the actual grave to visit.
I drive the familiar road to the grave sight. It was a nice day out. When I get to her grave, I went over to her.
Her headstone looked clean and nice. I lay the flowers down by the headstone while I sit down.
I can't believe she's been gone for eight years. When she passed away, I was fourteen, almost fifteen.
And now I'm twenty-three, I'll be twenty-four in April. It's honestly crazy.
"Hey, momma. I miss you." I speak while I situate her flowers. Everyone that met her, loved her.
She was an incredible soul. "I'm almost twenty-four now." I speak sadly. I wish she got to see more.
My marriage, me fall in love, meeting her grandkids. Usually I'm good at keeping my emotions under control.
But every year, this week, it's super hard for me. "I wish you were still here." I could feel the knot in my throat.
I hated this feeling. I just fucking miss her. Death leaves a pain that nobody can heal.
But the love leaves a memory that nobody can share. That's why I hold the memories in my heart.
I sit there for a moment, my lip quivering a little bit. I didn't want to cry. But I could feel it start to come out.
"Fuck, I didn't want to cry." I wipe my eyes, my hand shaking. As I wipe my tears, I heard a footstep from behind me.
I snap my head to see Colby was slowly walking towards me. I furrowed my eyebrows towards him.
"How did you know I was here?" I ask confused. He came over and sat next to me.
He made sure to leave some distance. "You weren't answering and I was starting to get worried." He started out
"Tyler said you might be here so I wanted to come check on you." It was super sweet that he did this for me.
I wasn't expecting it honestly. "It's been a rough couple of days." I admit to him.
I wipe my eyes from the escaping tears. I didn't want to cry in front of him.
But I couldn't help it. She should still be here with me. Colby was frowning towards me.
"I wanna say I understand, but I don't." He spoke. I look over towards him.
"But just because I don't understand, doesn't mean I'm not here for you." I could tell he was being honest.
He's one of the most understanding people I know. "That really means a lot to me." I admit to him.
I suck in a breath while I look over at my moms headstone. I then started thinking about what would've happened if she got to meet him.
The thought of it made me smile a little bit. "My mom would've loved you." I speak up.
I keep my eyes on the headstone, but I know he's smiling a little bit.
