The Other Side Of Paradise

XXIX

Onika Tanya Maraj

August 21st

Onika looked out at the water as she did thousands of times. She loved the sea, she was sure of it. It was beautiful—and was a mystery in its own way.

She smiled at the feeling of her toes in the sand—and she looked over to her father. He was meditating as usual. Onika comes to visit him once a week now.

She watched him take a deep breath before coughing a bit, she frowned.

"You alright there pop?" Onika asked and he just waved his hand, "I'm fine Oni." He mumbled. Onika just nodded and looked back out at the sea.

"I start school soon." Onika mumbled and Robert smiled. "So you did decide to go back?" He asked and Onika nodded. Taking a deep breath, inhaling in the salty air. It was familiar and comforting when she was conflicted or nervous.

"Yeah, Beyoncé encouraged me. And I really did want to go back. I'm at a different university now of course." Onika explained. It was scary being back on a college campus—but—she felt calmer now.

"That's good Onika." He said quietly looking up at the moon. They both listened to the sound of the waves crashing. Onika looked at the small turtles roaming the beach and smiled.

"When I die, I want to come back as one of these." Robert announced looking down at the turtles. Onika looked over to him with a quirked eyebrow.

"Turtles? They're cute sure—but they're slow. And hide in their shell half the time." Onika said and Robert smiled.

"That's the point." He said shrugging, Onika didn't exactly get it. But she'd let it go, she found moments like this between them calming. "Well I don't think you're gonna be a turtle any time soon." Onika stated and her father didn't respond. He just stared at the aquatic reptiles.

"Dad, you okay?" She asked placing her hand on his shoulder and he just nodded. "I'm fine. Just thinking." He mumbled before adjusting himself. Onika nodded and filled the silence that fell upon the two.

"I cut off Lauren." Onika suddenly said washing the waves crash against each other, as if they're tussling for dominance of some sort. Her father let out a small smile. "That's good. I know that must've been hard for you." He stated.

It was hard, Lauren used to be one of her best-friends—Onika was too blind to see she wasn't what a bestfriend should be. She wasn't supportive, she wasn't caring—she took advantage of Onika and the girl was tired of it. She had to choose better for herself.

She couldn't lie and say she didn't spend the next few nights crying however.

She's been attending NA meetings, she works at a small cafe now, attends therapy and in her free time she's usually with Beyoncé or her sister.

But still felt—sad. No—something more than sad.

She looked down at her feet, and focused on every grain of sand she could that was covering them. Her father must have noticed how she had gotten quiet because he spoke up. "What's wrong with you now kid?" He asked and she sighed and looked back up at the ocean, she decided to tell him. Her the sprint did tell her bottling up her feelings was the worst way of "coping" besides Onikas previous drug addiction.

"i'm happy but—at the same time I'm unhappy? I feel bad about myself. Which is like—nothing new. But—I'm doing better. Things are getting better. So why is it still so hard? Why am I still sad? Shouldn't I be happy now and living the American dream or something?" She asked while tears filled her eyes. Her father sighed, and spoke his words of wisdom once more.