DESIDERIUM

seven

Sitting in the living room with an absent-minded Tristan, a scowling Adrian and a frowning Levi sitting across from us isn't exactly how I planned my wednesday afternoon.

But I didn't exactly plan to spend my wednesday morning trying to calm down a furious wolf while at least half of my former pack was watching, even my mates.

So, I guess today is just a day where tings happen that I didn't plan.

"Will someone explain what happened out there?" Levi breaks the silence and I look at him for a second before looking away from him once again.

No one answers his question, probably because Tristan isn't even here right now mentally and because I'm just really overwhelmed because this outburst of Tristan really triggered something in my brain.

Not that I'm blaming him, all this just feels way too familiar.

I don't run after hin though, I think he just needs a little time for himself. Clear his thoughts.

"Answer him," Adrian commands and I shift slightly in my place, unconsciously sitting closer to Tristans who finally seems to snap out of it at Adrians loud voice.

His face darkens and before anyone can react he's out the front door, leaving them baffled and me concerned, since the last time it happened I didn't see him for almost a day.

That makes me angry and I glare at my mates, "What the hell did you do?"

This is obviously addressed to Adrian, me and Levi weren't even there when it happened.

His scowl deepens and he's full on glaring at me now, reminding me of little Adrian with his short-temper and his temper tantrums.

My heart squeezes a little, aware that the two years we spent apart from each all of us changed. Of course we did, that's what happens when you grow up.

People change. But aren't they still the same people I called my best friends once?

Snapping out of it I look at them and shake my head.

This is getting to me way more than it should or I thought it would.

"Stop glaring at me," I mumble, crossing my arms across my chest.

I hate it when they both look at me like that. I start feeling all weird and tingly and I'm not sure it's a good type of weird.

"Do you know how stupid that stunt you pulled out there was?" Adrian asks instead and for a second I don't even think he's serious before I realize he actually is.

"A stunt? Are you kidding me?" I ask incredulously, "I stopped this whole thing from getting worse!"

Adrian looks at Levi as if asking can you believe this guy.

"What die even happened that made Tristan this angry? What did they say to him?" the accusing tone in my voice doesn't go unnoticed by them.

Levi puts a hand on Adrians thigh, drawing small circles and my eyes stay on the movement longer than necessary.

Levi catches my gaze and I immediately look somewhere else, feeling like I just got caught doing something forbidden.

Finally Adrian sighs and starts talking .

"I don't know what happened. I just know that Eduard, the leader of the warrior wolfs, was training with the others when Tristan showed up and suddenly shifted, his wolf provoking all the others by almost attacking one of them. I was in the area and ran up there as soon as Eduard told me so."

Alright then, someone probably said something that set Tristan off and they're not telling Adrian that. Probably that kid that tried to get a reaction out of me some days ago.

"Tristan wouldn't just attack someone like that. He was probably triggered by something. It happened before-" that's when I stop talking, because I know that they know that I was talking about... the incident.

I don't even know what to call it anymore.

Adrian doesn't really seem faced by what I said.

"Something like that shouldn't have happened regardless. If he's a danger to the back-"

"Then what?" I interrupt him rudely, but I don't care, "Are you gonna throw him out of the pack? Because newsflash, he already was."

As was I. By you. My so-called best friend. My fucking mate.

Fuck, why is my vision getting blurry?

I stand up abruptly, doing the same thing Tristan did a few minutes ago. Leave the house with the door shutting loudly behind me. Ignoring Adrian calling my name sternly and Levi standing up to follow me. 

This is all getting too much right now. All this built up emotions... fuck.

I don't cry. I didn't cry when my Uncle started hitting me, I didn't cry when my two best friends abandoned me, I didn't cry when I was kicked out of my pack, and I'm not going to cry now.

With that I shift into my wolf, who lets out a loud howl and takes off into the woods without looking back.

When has living become such a hard thing to do? Because I feel like I'm barely alive anymore.