DESIDERIUM

thirty one

When I come back to the house, after being outside almost the whole day, Levi and Adrian are in the kitchen, cooking something.

"Oh, hi Rafael," Levi smiles, one of his kind, genuine smiles, and my tired eyes focus on it, the ache in my chest somehow growing bigger at the small gesture.

"Hi," I mumble, after a few moments, my voice as monotone as I feel, and when I walk up to the cabin, to get myself a cup of tea, I can feel their stares on me.

"So, uh, Tristan asked us to tell you that he's gonna talk to you tomorrow?"

His sentence ends with a clear question, a question I ignore wholeheartedly, instead focusing on the task of making myself some tea, to hopefully make me feel a little better.

Once I'm done, I turn around with a steaming cup in my hand, my palms slightly burning, but at least it makes the burning in my chest seem less prominent.

"How was the pack meeting?"

Do I actually care about that? No. Do I want to talk about why I don't want to talk about Tristan? Also no.

Adrian knows that I'm just trying to change the topic, and he gives me a look, but when I don't react, he sighs.

"We have come to the decision to ask other packs for help. Something similar to this has happened before, hunters started attacking and threatening packs, and because no one took it seriously, three of the strongest packs were wiped out completely. The hunters could only be stopped when the packs finally realized they needed to work together. We don't want something like that to repeat itself, especially since this time hunters and rogues work together, and so we warn others about this, and ask them for help if it comes down to it."

I've heard about that before. The werewolf massacre. I just didn't know it was serious like that.

"That's... though," I say, but all I can think about is how the leader, at least I assume he is, is Adam. My Adam. I just can't believe they're the same person.

"It's just precaution," Levi chides in gently, mistaking my solemn look for fear or concern.

"Have there been any... breaches in the packs' territory?"

I pray to the moon goddess I don't sound suspicious. Then again, I've always been a pretty good liar.

"No, not inside pack territory. There's been some turmoil outside, but that's to be expected."

I nod, trying to avoid Adrian's gaze. I'm a good liar, but Adrian is just as good at detecting them. Especially mine.

"How was your day?" he asks instead, and I look up at him rather surprised.

Let's see, how was my day? Absolute utter shit? Miserable?

"Uh, you know, fine, just..." I don't know what to say.

"A lot to think about?" Levi tries, putting the vegetables he just cut into a pan.

"Yeah, you could say that," I sigh, rubbing my face tiredly.

When I look up again, they're looking at each other, and I know they're talking through the mind link, which just makes me roll my eyes and I take a sip of my tea, putting it down when I realize it's still too hot to drink.

Then I notice Adrian and Levi looking at me, and my eyebrows furrow when they both start walking toward me.

"Uh, what are you-"

I'm completely left speechless when both of them suddenly wrap their arms around me.

"What the-"

"Hush," Adrian stops me, and at first I'm offended that he just hushed me, but I stay quiet nonetheless because, damn, I never knew hugs could feel this good.

Or maybe I knew and just forgot.

A quiet, involuntary sigh leaves my lips, and my body starts relaxing all on it's own, my wolf purring loudly inside my head, so I wrap my arms around their waists as well, and try to shut my thoughts off, just for this once.

"If you need someone to talk to, you can always come to us."

Yeah, well, I wish it was that easy. To just talk. But it never was for me. And sometimes I feel like it never will be.

There's so much to say, but instead, I just say nothing. Maybe because if I start once, I'll never stop. Or maybe because words would never be enough to express what I feel.

"Thank you," I whisper, and their arms tighten around me a little before they step away from me entirely.

"I cooked quinoa with some vegetables, do you want some?" Levi asks casually as if what they did just now was the most normal everyday thing ever, and so I nod, trying not to make a big deal out of it either.

We eat in silence, each of is pursuing our own thoughts, which I'm grateful for because I hate forced small talk.

This feels a lot like when we were kids and we would hang out, just to sit in silence or each do their own thing and enjoy each other's presence.

It feels... oddly good.

"Would anyone like to watch a movie?" Levi breaks the silence after we've finished eating, and Adrian and I share a look, before both shrugging our shoulders.

"Great! I'll make us some popcorn."

And he's off into the pantry, probably searching for the corn.

"Are you sure you're alright, Rafael?" Adrian surprisingly asks again, and when I look into his eyes, there's something in them that looks suspiciously close to concern.

"I'm better now," I admit, a little bashful, and when he realizes what I mean, his mouth twitches just the tiniest bit.

"Found it!" Levi exclaims, walking back into the kitchen with his glass full of corn kernels, his smile so contagious, that even I can't stop the small smile forming on my face.

"What are you both smiling about?" the blonde boy halts in his tracks, looking at us quizzingly, and when we don't say anything, he just huffs, muttering something about us keeping our secrets if we want. 

And even if I'm still far from good, my response to Adrian was the truth. I do feel better.

And better is something that I didn't always have.

"We're watching bridge to terabithia by the way."

My smile and Adrian's slip a bit at Levi's words, knowing damn well that the night will end in tears if we do watch that movie. 

I'll admit that I may have had some tears in my eyes as well when I watched it for the first time.

"I want to watch fight club."

"And I want to watch stand by me."

When we all turn to look at each other, I'm the first one to dash off into the living room, trying to get to the remote first.

a little bonding time. what do you guys think about tristan calling rafael out like that the last chapter?