DESIDERIUM

eight

By the time I get back, it's already dark outside.

I didn't even mean to stay out that long but once my wolf left packs land it felt like we were finally able to really breathe again and we were finally truly relaxed for the first time since we had to go back to my former back.

I just let my thoughts shut up for once and let my wolf take over. He was more than happy to.

I might regret it a bit now, I'm completely exhausted but at least my wolf isn't as restless as he was before.

All I want is to lay down and sleep but after opening the door to the house and seeing that my mates are still up and seeing their faces, I know that that that isn't happening any time soon.

"Uh, what's going on?" I ask, confused, not sure why they're still up and looking at me like that.

"What's going on?" Levi asks incredulous, "Where have you been?"

He takes a step closer to my and only now I can see his flushed cheeks and glossy eyes, something that always happens when he's distressed or worried.

I used to tease him for it when we were little, because it always looked like he was about to cry.

Now I'm just confused.

"Uh, on a run?"

Really confused.

"You were out on a run?" this time it's Adrian asking.

He's been quite this whole time but you can see the dissatisfaction on his face clear as a day.

Why does this sound like an accusation? I take a step back from them, when I feel anxiety spike up my body.

"Yes. A run."

Both of them look at me with two different faces and I can't quite decipher but soon Levi sighs and shakes his head, looking at Adrian.

"You're being paranoid."

I don't think he meant to say that out loud.

"Paranoid?"

By the look they are giving me, he definitely didn't want to say it out loud.

"What... what do you think I was doing?"

"Nothing, it's just..."

Levi looks at Adrian pleading and this time he sighs and shakes his head.

By now I have my suspicions, my mind already making up 100 different things that they could accuse me of, when really, there is nothing.

"Did you meet up with someone? Some rogues?"

That asshole. That fucking stupid-

"Did I meet up with rogues? Are you out of your fucking mind?" I can't help the unbelieving laughter that bubbles out of me.

"You were out for a long time and-"

"And you thought I meet up with the rouges that attacked us for months now? What do you think this is? Some messed up plan to get back at you from me and Tristan?"

By now I'm almost shouting, not caring if they're Alpha and Luna and I'm disrespecting them because this shit hurts.

"I mean, I know... I know that our relationship is not the best and that you probably hate me and that you don't want to be mated with me, but really? You really believe that I would-"

I don't even know what they really thought? That this is all just some fucked-up plan that Tristan and I planed with the rogues to bring down the pack and that I got myself shot for it and god knows what?

"No, Rafael, it's not like that. Nothing like that. And w-we don't-"

"Don't even say it. Don't deny it. I know you do. But that's not the point, the point is... why would you even let me and Tristan back on pack land if you thought that this was just one big revenge plan?"

Am I being delusional? Or dramatic? I think both. That's probably because I'm sleep-deprived. And anxious. Fuck.

Before I can really start panicking, Adrian walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

Almost immediately I can feel tingles from where he touched me and my eyes shut up to his, surprised to see his eyes softening while looking down on me.

Shaking my head I take a step back. I'm seeing things.

He acts as if nothing happened and sighs.

"You need to calm down. It's not like that. You're making things up. We just thought-"

"I don't even want to hear it. I just want to sleep," I mumble, really really tired now. Not just physically, mentally.

"Rafael..." Levi sounds desperate and suddenly I start feeling bad, because I always make an elephant out of a fly because of my insecurities. And my stupid overthinking.

I mean, they wouldn't even care enough about me to come up with something like that.

Me and my wolf are just really really done. So exhausted.

"I'm sorry. It made sense in my head. Saying it out loud- I know I sound stupid and... I don't even know," I sigh, running my hands over my face, to my hair, to slightly pull at it.

I think I've said enough for today. Made enough drama. It's definitely time for me to go to bed.

Yep, bed time.

Bed time is forget you ever existed time. That's just what I need.

"I need to sleep."

Levi and Adrian share a look, they're probably mind linking each other and even tho Levi looks pleading a constricted, Adrian just shakes his head with a solemn look in his face.

"Rafael, just-" Levi starts, but I'm not sure he knows what to say and I don't either so I just walk past them to the guest room.

"Sorry for making you stay up."

Before they can say something, not even sure they would've, I close the door and walk up to the bed, sinking into it.

So tired.